Why the Heck Not?
by MadeleineJade
Summary: You've read Can't Let Go & The Daily Grind, right? Good, then you know what's up for the third installment. Fluff and humor galore? YES! Drama? Heck no! You know what you're getting yourself into so GREAR: Go Read Enjoy and Review. All Human.
1. Seriously, Why Not?

**You've read CLG and TDG, right? Good, then you know what's up for the third installment. Fluff and humor galore? YES! Drama? Heck no! You know what you're getting yourself into so GREAR: Go Read Enjoy and Review.**

**A/N Of course I don't own Twilight or any of these characters, except Coley and Hal (and a couple more but you get my drift). Oh, remember, the HQ (head quarters) is Bella and Edward's apartment. So, without further ado, here's…**

**Why the Heck Not?**

**Chapter 1: Seriously, why not?**

**EPoV**

"No really. I think I would go streaking," Bella stated adamantly, while somehow remaining stone-faced. She appeared to be deep in thought as she looked up toward the ceiling, closing one eye while nodding her head as if to underscore her statement.

We all tried futilely to suppress our chuckles but ended up sputtering in amusement before finally bursting out with laughter all together. Emmett's laughter was, of course, the loudest, while Rose and Alice were pretty much doubled over. Coley was tickled to the point that she was mute. She had thrown her head back, successfully not spilling her glass, which was half full of the bright pink concoction, and her mouth was agape in silent laughter.

Hal had his eyes closed, shaking his head while pursing his lips.

"Oh, lordy, lordy," he muttered.

Bella's jaw dropped as her face grew indignant, registering our reactions.

"I would!" she all but shouted, sounding more than just a little put out.

"No you wouldn't," I negated. She pursed her lips and swatted at my forearm.

"That's the atomic flamingo talking, sister!" Emmett garbled while shaking his head as well.

"I am too crazy enough to go streaking!" Bella shouted. Yep, she was drunk. We all were. "And, by the way, all your popsicles are so melting right now!" she sneered.

Luckily, Charlie and Sue, Carlisle and Esme, and Rosalie and Jasper's parents had taken the kids and the dogs for the weekend, giving us all a rare, grown-up weekend out (or in in our case). We hadn't had one of these since Bella's birthday with the poop 'n' freeze demonstration and miscellaneous other infomercial slash bizarre gift-giving. It was the first week of June, and I had just finished the first year of my internship at the hospital. Bella was still freelancing as a writer, having been published twice in the past year in a couple of local magazines. CJ was about three weeks away from turning one (and practically walking, running, really after JoJo whenever she got the chance) and the rest of the family was…well, just as they'd always been.

Rosalie and Jasper were still working for their father's packaging company. It was amazing. Despite how bad the economy was, their company was still going strong, though, to be fair, they'd had to lay people off in the past year but were hoping to hire them all back soon. I guess no matter the state of the union, people needed their pharmaceuticals, so Hale Manufacturing was going strong.

Alice had been on the verge of quitting the wedding planning business. She really wanted to start her own business, but her current company was loath to let her go, and she was well aware of that. I couldn't blame them. Alice was renowned for her talent and magic-making, especially with the Governor's daughter's wedding under her belt and on her list of high profile weddings. She felt she was being used by the company, though, as a selling point for potential clients. All they had to do was drop my sister's name and the wannabe bridezillas were more than happy to throw their money in the company's direction.

Coley was here visiting because Chad and the rest of the Padres were in town playing against the Mariners. She was loving San Diego but was still restless, wanting to find something to do. She had volunteered as a tutor at a Junior High School for a while but was looking for something else to occupy her time. Bella had been lobbying for Coley to move to Seattle and join up forces with Alice. Well, Bella had been advocating for a few months, but both Alice and Coley had shut the idea down. Coley didn't want to leave San Diego, specifically, Chad as long as he was still with the Padres, and Alice had been feeling too guilty to leave her company. They were the ones who had given Alice her start as a wedding planner, after all. But, we'd argued, Alice was the one who'd made them who they were now.

The Daily Grind was as popular a coffee spot as ever despite it having limited baked goods selections and a cereal bar. Apparently, it really helped make the customers' decision making about what they wanted to order a lot easier. My brother certainly had vision. Emmett enjoyed running his own business and really had a knack for entrepreneurship. He also had a good group of employees, whom he trusted implicitly to run the original store, or the OG for Original Grind, as we referred to it, while he was in the midst of opening another shop across town.

We, as grown-ups, really had it together, for the most part.

And the kids. EmJ, AJ, and CJ were the best of buddies. The boys enjoyed play dates with our little girl, which were pretty much everyday since Bella stayed home and was able to care for them while everyone else worked. Occasionally, Emmett would help her out, as would Hal. Alice, Rose, and Jasper would pop in from time to time between seeing clients and during lunch hours. Our apartment was definitely still the HQ. Definitely the place to be.

And, yes, we still had JoJo, which everyone in the family was impressed with. After having two dogs, Diddy and Milton, who had both gone to very good homes, we'd found our forever pet in the Cockapoo. No more canine halfway housing for us, as Bella once put it so eloquently as well as accurately.

"I'm doing it," Bella said fiercely. She unzipped her hoodie, revealing her Blondie t-shirt. She was about to take the sweatshirt and tee off in one fell swoop but I'd intervened.

The girls all gasped but then burst out into laughter again.

"Annnnnd I think it's time we called it a night," I said to everyone and no one in particular as I put my drink down to scoop Bella up into my arms. "Anyone else need to crash at our place or are you all good here at Hal's?"

It was a dumb question. Yes, our place was roomy and comfortable, but Hal and Shane's place was roomy and luxurious, with king-sized beds and Egyptian linens in all three guestrooms. They probably had kimonos at the ready for any and all of them if they'd wanted.

"Psssshhh," Emmett answered, waving the back of his hand at me.

"Right," I replied as I exited with Bella through the door that Hal had so kindly opened for us. She had protested at first, but must have grown tired all of a sudden because she stopped squirming in my arms.

"Bye, baby girl," Hal told Bella, giving her a kiss on her forehead. "Good night, Edward."

"Thanks and good night, Hal," we'd both responded, Bella more dreamily than me.

We heard a round of "Good night" from everyone else plus a, "Take it easy, Frank the Tank," from Emmett to Bella.

I chuckled at his reference to Old School as we left to head back down a floor to the HQ.

"Are you doing all right, love?" I asked as we entered the apartment. Bella had been quiet. I thought she was asleep. She'd had her head leaning against my chest, not having said anything the entire ride down in the elevator.

Bella lazily hummed an affirmative reply.

"Good," I said, kissing the top of her head.

She hummed again in pleasure this time before turning her mouth up toward mine for a proper kiss.

When I felt her tongue lightly graze my lips, it was my turn to hum in pleasure as I opened my mouth to hers in order to deepen the kiss. Somehow, I'd made it to the bedroom carrying Bella while still kissing her, not looking where I was going but managing to not injure either of us in the process.

I had set her on the bed, and my tongue had only just made purchase with Bella's when she stopped kissing suddenly.

"Wait," she said as if she had just remembered something very important.

"What is it?" I asked, confused. Bella never usually broke our kisses first. "Are you okay?"

"I was going to go streaking," she answered.

I couldn't help but laugh in response. She was back on that again?

"Really?"

"Mmm-hmm," she replied while resuming the disrobing she had begun upstairs.

"And where are you going streaking?" I asked as I watched Bella strip off her clothes. I was able to control my amusement and meet her serious tone with one of my own, though I wanted to crack up in disbelief. I was picturing Bella running down the sidewalk in front of our building, naked and screaming, "We're going streaking!" I just didn't think it would actually happen though.

It didn't, of course.

"I dare to you to catch me, Eddie," she challenged nonchalantly.

"Eddie?" I asked in disbelief. "You seriously just called me Eddie?" I had to laugh at that one.

Bella was still all seriousness.

"Yeah, that's right," she answered.

That did it.

I quickly stripped down, not really caring where we were going streaking, just that we were going streaking together.

Funny how a few Atomic Flamingos had that effect on one's thinking, especially when one was already more than a little buzzed.

As soon as I'd gotten my boxers off, Bella was off like a shot, running through our apartment. I really didn't know why she'd challenged me. It didn't take but a minute to catch her and scoop her up again. I would have gotten her quicker, but I kind of liked, no, loved, seeing my wife running through our apartment, completely naked. I guess it's a guy thing.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. My mom didn't raise any fool.

Only Emmett. And even Emmett wouldn't have allowed an opportunity such as this to get away from himself.

I mean, how often did we have the entire apartment to ourselves? I took full advantage, of course. And I have to believe that Bella had exactly this in mind when she stripped down and baited me so enticingly to go after her.

Bella was no fool either.

I caught up with her before she even passed the piano room, and we made love like we had no responsibilities in the world because at that exact moment in time, we didn't.

It was just us.

Period.

"Hey, we both went streaking," I commented when we'd finally gotten to bed that night. Yes, the streaking had been through our own apartment, but we'd gone streaking nonetheless.

Bella snickered. "Yeah, who knew?" she commented. "But it's time we tried something different, don't you think?" she'd asked.

"What do you mean?" I replied.

"Well, I've been doing the same old same old for some time now. It was time I did something a little out of the ordinary."

"Like streaking?" I'd asked.

"Yep," Bella responded a little bit later. I'd detected a little wistfulness in her tone.

"Something else on your mind?" I asked.

"I think I want to do something…more," she stated. Bella sounded like she'd made a decision about something, though she hadn't shared it with me yet. "But...I'm not sure of how you'll react," she continued.

I furrowed my brow there in the dark, wondering what on Earth Bella would have wanted to do that was different from what she was doing now.

**A/N What indeed?**

**So yeah, I'm back. I've no business starting this story. Seriously, I don't. I've got ATO to finish. Yes, I'm aware. This started out as an exercise in just writing to get my mojo back, but of course more needed to get out so…I figure, why the heck not? I've been a bit apprehensive about writing and writing lemons in particular what with the kicking off of certain stories due to M content. I did want to write a lemon in this one but...**

**Well, if I get kicked off of FF for some reason in the near future, you guys can find me on twilighted and the writers coffee shop. I'll still be listed under madeleinejade, a'ight? Cool. I hope all of you are doing well, and I look forward to hearing from you to see if you'd like or even want me to do a third installment to the CLG series. I get it if enough's enough. Holler at me. Love you!**


	2. Happy F'kin Birthday!

**A/N I'm not Stephenie Meyer, so I clearly don't own Twilight.**

**I wanted to get this posted on June 20th in time for Edward's birthday. I'm in the Central Standard Time Zone so it's still the 20th here for another hour or so. Whew! Just got it in! :D**

**Well, I can't thank you guys enough for the reviews and support for this story and the series. But I CAN attempt to thank you by writing more, I suppose, so that's what I did. Here's chapter two, my lovelies! Remember to GREAR: go, read, enjoy, and review, review, review. Wait that's GREARRR.**

**Why the Heck Not?**

**Chapter 2: Happy F'kin Birthday!**

**BPoV**

The morning light broke through the window, causing me to stir just a bit. I stretched my right arm up and let it land with a soft thud on Edward's chest, which I patted a couple times. I did that every morning so he'd know I was awake and was making sure he was there. He always was.

"Happy birthday," I said smiling, even with my eyes still closed. "And happy Father's Day, too," I added with a yawn. I felt my way up, patting Edward still, until my palm met his lips, letting him kiss my hand.

"Thank you," he replied. At least that's what it sounded like. My hand was still covering Edward's mouth so his words were muffled.

"You're welcome," I told him as I rolled onto my side in order to face him so I could properly give him a birthday slash Father's Day kiss.

Edward smiled against my lips before deepening the kiss and inching his hand further and further down my body, making purchase on my bottom and then cupping it as I pressed myself even closer to him, feeling the ambassador at full attention already.

Before any _more_ could progress or even occur, however, the birthday girl's cry coming through the baby monitor made us both stop and look up toward said monitor.

I sighed but chuckled slightly at the situation.

"To be continued?" I asked, giving Edward one last kiss before getting up out of bed.

"Cock blocker," he said jokingly with a smile himself.

I smacked his chest. "Are you calling me that or your daughter?" I asked with a laugh.

"Both."

I laughed again. "Yes, let's ignore our crying child so we can get a round of more in, Mr. Ambassador."

"You say that like it would be bad parenting," Edward responded as he, too, got up.

I merely rolled my eyes at him. "Your choice, birthday boy. You want CJ duty or JoJo duty this morning?"

Like I had to ask.

"CJ," he answered with a grin. Of course. "Because Charlotte's a daddy's girl," he stated smugly.

This was true. Not that she didn't dig me, but their father-daughter bond was impossible to deny. "And you're a…_baby daddy_?" I didn't know the correct label for him.

"_Baby daddy_ works," Edward said with a laugh. "Besides, I want to spend a little time with her before going to play ball."

I shook my head. Not that I didn't want Edward to go play basketball, but because…

"Don't worry, Bella. Nothing bad is going to happen," Edward assured me preemptively. "We've played several times since last year without further incident," he reminded me.

I reflexively traced his slightly crooked nose with my finger.

"Yes, yes, but with Emmett and Laurent both factors and wildcards, one never knows what shenanigans you guys will get yourselves into," I replied.

"True," Edward conceded. "Oh, and afterwards, I'm going to stop in at the hospital for just a bit."

I frowned. It was his day off. Plus, we had everyone coming over later for CJ and Edward's birthday.

"I know. I'll be back in plenty of time. I promise. It's just that I told Henry I'd stop in and check on him today."

I nodded with understanding. Henry was a fourteen-year-old boy that had undergone a kidney transplant a couple of years ago. Edward got to know Henry while prepping him for and then observing another procedure he'd just undergone the day before. Henry had been nervous about the surgery, but Edward really seemed to have eased his anxiety. Henry's parents were also very grateful for Edward working with their son. Anyway, Henry was back in the ICU, unfortunately, with some complications, which was why he'd had to have more surgery, and Edward told Henry he'd stop by and see him. I knew Edward would make an exceptional doctor one day. He really did care about his patients, and I'd expect nothing less from him.

We both actually got to do CJ and JoJo duty because after Edward initially took care of CJ's diaper and feeding and after I'd fed and taken JoJo outside to potty, we all took a family walk, ending up at Emmett's Daily Grind.

"Hey, hey! Happy birthday, little bro!" Emmett boomed as we walked in. "And happy birthday, little lady!" he said to CJ as he commandeered her from the stroller.

CJ giggled and kicked at him in excitement. "Em-Em!" she babbled.

"That's right, Uncle Em-Em. How's my beautiful Chucky this morning? C'mon, JoJo," Emmett said to the dog as he took him to the back of the shop too. Mr. Dove was back there so JoJo had a buddy to play with while Emmett had CJ back in his office doing who knows what.

Edward and I were finishing our muffins and enjoying our coffees when Emmett brought CJ back to us a few minutes later. We both laughed when we saw her trailing behind Uncle Emmett, holding him by his pant leg trying to keep up with his big strides…dressed exactly like him.

"You've redressed our child," I commented. She was no longer in her pretty little birthday dress. Both she and Emmett were wearing yellow and green tracksuits.

"It's one of her birthday presents. We're showing our support for Brazil. You know, for the World Cup?" He asked the last part like we were idiots for not figuring it out on our own. I had no idea Emmett was a fan of Brazil's.

"And Brazil because…" I prompted him for some sort of explanation for this sudden allegiance for the South American country.

"Because their tracksuits look the coolest, sister. Oh yeah, and they're really good. Check out the name on the back: Kaka. He's the stud on the team, right?"

"Ooookay," I said as I looked at Edward, who merely shrugged at me.

"_And_," Emmett continued. "It's Kaka. Get it? Kaka? Poop? Huh? It's genius 'cause she's still in diapers. I just came up with that right now on the fly." Emmett nodded at us, smug about this revelation.

"So how does that explain the _Kaka _on the back of _you're_ jacket, Emmett?" I asked.

Edward laughed. "Bella, Emmett is clearly the king of kaka. Am I right?" he asked, mocking his own brother.

"Whatever," Emmett said with a wave of his hand. "So you ready to play ball?" he asked, changing the subject. "I thought we could switch it up by you and Jazz playing with Laurent and me playing with Aro and James."

Edward shrugged. "Whatever's fine. We just need to be back by two and I have a stop to make after so we should get going soon."

"And no betting," I added, pointing to the both of them and giving them a dark look.

So after walking CJ, JoJo, and me back home, Edward and the guys went to play basketball.

In the meantime, Esme and Sue arrived to help Alice, Rose, and me get ready for the rest of the family. Sue and Esme were getting the food ready while we moved some furniture around, creating more space. My mom and Eli, who were coming to stay for a week, and Coley and Hal would all be here any minute. My dad, Carlisle, and the Hales would be getting here closer to two o'clock.

Hal had been visiting Coley in San Diego, but they were both flying back together today to be here for CJ's first birthday party.

Alice had just spoken to both of them a half an hour prior to coming over with Adam and told us their flight was on time. Shane was going to pick them up.

I was glad to have the entire family together. I had wanted to tell them about my new adventure. Well, it wasn't officially an adventure yet. I was waiting to hear back still. My friend, Creepy Eric at the Times, emailed me a month ago to tell me about a movie and book critic that one of the local news stations wanted to hire for a weekly spot on the morning newscast. I'd be Mars and Venus on Books and Movies, minus the Mars, I supposed.

I had no television broadcasting experience, save for the one television journalism class at ASU, but I thought it would be fun. So I'd thought about it for a week before telling Edward about it. He was supportive of anything I wanted to do, so I applied and had a couple interviews already. My shortcoming was, obviously, my lack of broadcasting experience, but the news execs were impressed with my work at the Times, so I had that going for me. It wasn't even a full time job and the segment would be five minutes on the Friday morning local news, but it was something different and interesting and I could still do my freelance work. I was actually excited about it, truth be told. Me, on _Good Morning, Seattle_. Cool!

Coley and Hal and Shane arrived on time, picking Eli and Renee up with them. The Hales, Carlisle, and Charlie arrived soon after, making Edward, Emmett, and Jasper late. I was trying to not get worked up about it. I tried texting Edward but I knew he wouldn't have his phone on in the ICU where Henry was. The signals would have messed with the hospital equipment so Edward's phone was off unless he was on break usually.

The party was in full swing for a good forty minutes before the guys got there. We had to start without them. CJ was on a sleep schedule. If we wanted her to nap at four and then be up till ten in order to sleep through the night, we had to stick to the schedule. Because when CJ slept through the night, _we_ got to sleep through the night.

Eli was hanging out with EmJ, AJ, and CJ, the moms were all talking about the grandkids as they watched Eli interact with them, the dads were watching some sporting event on TV, and Hal, Shane, and the girls and I were discussing San Diego when the guys arrived, bringing with them, Laurent of all people. I recalled telling him in my angry and laboring stupor the year before to never come here again after the Edward-broken-nose-incident. And except for one time when he came to pick Edward up for basketball, he hadn't come back. I thought that was funny. I mean, I didn't really mean _never,_ but if he wanted to take me literally, that was all right by me. He just annoyed me and creeped me out. I was heavily prejudiced, though, since he'd scammed free lattes and English muffins from the DG and then swindled the fancy jacket that Alice wanted from stupid, unsuspecting Jasper. Laurent was a textbook douche.

I gave Edward a bit of the stink eye after I'd assessed that he looked intact, no broken appendages. He came over and kissed me hello.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'll explain later, but Laurent has news for you," Edward said with a sheepish smile.

"What?" I wondered why would Laurent have anything to say to me at all.

So the guys introduced Laurent to the rest of the family and the party rolled on with singing, cake, and, of course, presents.

Edward got gift certificates to restaurants that he and I could both enjoy. He also got an array of medical related items that any doctor would need: books, journal subscriptions, etc. Eli gave him baby-sitting coupons that we could redeem this week, so he and Renee would watch CJ while we went out on actual dates. That was so sweet of Eli!

CJ got everything under the sun. It was ridiculous. The child had a more extensive wardrobe than mine, which normally would have been an easy feat to accomplish, but after the intervention and wardrobe overhaul last year by Hal, Rose, and Alice, this was really astonishing. No one-year-old ever had it this good. We had more stuffed animals and tea sets than I could shake a stick at.

But the one present that stood out from the rest was Esme and Carlisle's. It was in a great big box that AJ and EmJ were more interested in than the actual gift. I helped CJ unwrap it. It was Edward's old toy piano. _Toy_ really didn't do the instrument justice. It was small, really small, and came with is own little bench, and was made of a beautiful mahogany. Once Edward took the piano out, CJ immediately started banging on the keys creating a cacophony of sound, causing us all to laugh as well as flinch.

"Edward, I know just the spot for it," I said with a smile, whispering it in his ear. He chuckled but complied, moving CJ's piano into the piano room and setting it right next to his, bench and all.

Everyone followed Edward and CJ and me into the room. As Edward sat down and played some Mozart on his big piano, CJ stood up against hers and banged along with her dad. The scene was so sweet, that I actually teared up as I stood leaning against Edward's piano, facing him while getting a good view of our daughter with her curly brownze hair in her face from bobbing up and down, smiling, and making noise. It was awesome. Jasper captured much of it on video and my mom and Esme both snapped some good pictures as well.

We all went back out to the living room to play with the kids and talk some more. Before I even remembered that Laurent had to tell me something, he took it upon himself to get everyone's attention.

"I know you all only just met me, but I wanted to tell you something, especially Bella since this affects her directly," he began.

Everyone turned to look at me and I, in turn, gave Edward a curious look. He smiled and nodded, indicating that I should just wait a moment and keep listening.

"Bella, I believe you know my brother, Garrett?" Laurent paused to look at me.

"Garrett is one of the producers at _Good Morning, Seattle_," I stated.

"Yes," Laurent continued. "I told him this morning I was playing basketball with the guys, mentioning Edward and Emmett Cullen, and the name struck him. He said that Isabella Cullen was going to be working for them doing the book and movie segment on the morning news, but she didn't know it yet. So be expecting a call tomorrow morning," Laurent smiled.

It was completely quiet in the HQ. I was watching Laurent closely as he explained, not even trying to suppress my dubious expression. I opened my mouth but nothing came out, so I closed it. Was this a joke? Was I supposed to believe this douche? Was Garrett really Laurent's brother? It was possible, of course. But Garrett seemed so…normal.

Edward patted my shoulder. "He's on the up and up, love."

Laurent, taking his cue from Edward, reassured me, "I swear this is true, Bella." He put his hands up, once again, in the international sign of surrender and chuckled. "My brother wouldn't just say that."

My eyes widened and a smile slowly spread across my face. "So I have the job?" I asked.

Laurent laughed again, "Yes, you do. Congratulations! It's unofficial right now, but it'll be official tomorrow, if you choose to accept it."

Chaos and bedlam broke out as my friends and family all demanded to know what we were talking about. And when they heard that I'd be on the news once a week, they were all ecstatic. Shockingly ecstatic. It was only the local news, but I really hoped that Laurent wasn't messing around. I'd kick his ass. There was some celery on the vegetable tray still, and he was allergic after all.

"Bella, I can see that you don't completely believe me, so I'll get Garrett on the phone," he said holding up his pointer finger and calling someone with his other hand.

Sure enough, it was Garrett on the line. I took the phone to the piano room and spoke to him there. Laurent was right, and I still couldn't believe it. Garrett offered me the position then and there instead of waiting until the next day. I accepted, of course. I came back out to inform my friends and family.

Once the excitement over my new project died down, so did the party.

Before I put CJ down for her nap, we said goodbye to the Hales as well as my dad and Sue, who took Eli back to Forks with them because he wanted to go fishing with my dad again. My mom, Carlisle, and Esme were cleaning up the food and then came in to say goodbye to me. Renee was going to stay at Esme's and then come back to the HQ with Eli in the evening. My girlfriends and the guys took care of cleaning the rest of the living room.

After CJ fell asleep, I found them all together watching the rest of a soccer game.

It was then that I thanked Laurent for the heads up and for calling his brother.

"I'm sorry I didn't really believe you before," I said guiltily.

He chuckled. "That's all right, Bella. I know you've never been my biggest fan, but I'm happy for you. This is a great opportunity. You deserve it."

"Wow thanks, Laurent." I was definitely surprised by his sincerity, as were my girlfriends. Their uplifted eyebrows showed their astonishment. This was not the douche of a man that I had grown to loathe in the past couple of years. Who was this person?

"You're welcome, Bella. And Happy birthday, Edward. Again. I must go now. Thanks again though for taking such good care of Henry. I look forward to seeing you all soon. Perhaps on a regular basis, yes? And, Bella, Irina will call you tomorrow. Thanks and goodbye."

And with that, Laurent left. The door had closed behind him before my mind had processed everything he'd said.

"Wait. What?" I asked to no one in particular. "Irina's going to call me? Why would she call me?"

"Right," Edward said, looking a little guilty himself. "About that…"

"What did you do, Edward?" I asked sharply.

"How about that Laurent, huh?" Edward asked.

I looked around the room. "Did he just dodge my question?"

"Mmmhmm," Rose and Alice both nodded.

"Afraid so," Coley answered with pursed lips.

"Dooodge," Hal sang.

"Edward," I said in a warning tone.

"So, it turns out that not only does Laurent obviously know Garrett, your new boss, he knows my little friend, Henry, in the hospital."

I stared at my husband, willing him to say more because nothing thus far explained why Irina was going to call me.

"Henry is Irina's step-brother, and it turns out, that Laurent donated one of his kidneys to him last year."

"What?" came from my girlfriends in the room.

"Laurent did?" I asked. Edward nodded. "Laurent, who was just here? The one who broke you last year? That guy donated an organ to his…step-brother-in-law?" Edward nodded again. "Huh. Who knew?" But then my mind went back on track. "So what does this have to do with Irina calling me?"

"Well, she and Laurent are expecting, actually." Edward paused. Was I supposed to say congratulations to people who weren't here? I gestured for him to continue. "She isn't as excited about it as they'd hoped she'd be, even though this pregnancy was planned. Anyway, she doesn't have many friends."

This didn't surprise me. I didn't say it, though. Hal did.

"That doesn't surprise me."

I stifled a grin, as did the rest of my girlfriends. Edward was all seriousness, though.

"What are you saying, Edward? Am I supposed to be Irina's friend now?" Was he actually telling me who to be friends with?

"Well, no, not unless you want to. You pick your own friends, of course, but if you could just, you know, hang out with her or let her hang out here? I thought it'd be nice is all," he said with a shrug.

"Friends with Irina?" I asked, incredulous. "Edward do you recall what she and Laurent have done in the past? Hello, the R2D2 jacket?"

"Um, Bells," Alice said.

"It was a D-Squared bomber," Hal corrected me.

"Yeah, that," I said pointing to the two of them. "Remember? And the latte swindling and the douche. Oh my god, all the douche."

"I know. I know. They've been kind of sheisty in the past, but I figure organ donors can't be all bad, right? And from what Henry tells me, Irina is really good to him. He wants to see her happy. It would make him feel better, so I thought if she had a few more girlfriends…" Edward was looking around the room at the rest of my friends, who all had the expression of _"What? You're dragging me into this, too?"_

"I don't know. Alice, she was the shadiest toward you. Is this kosher?" I asked.

Alice thought a moment and then shrugged indifferently. "I'm over the bomber incident. You can hang out with her."

"Wait, you girls and Hal are in on this too. Please don't make me hang out with Irina alone," I pleaded.

"Oh, she's not that bad," Emmett chastised me. This coming from the man who had referred to Irina as the _lady douche_ in the past.

"Just for that, Emmett, do the Carlton dance," I ordered. I hadn't made him do a dance in quite some time. He was due.

"What? Come on!" he whined.

"And then do Elaine's Little Kicks," I added for good measure.

"But," he started to protest.

"Last time I checked, CJ isn't dating yet, so get to dancing," I told him again.

Emmett opened his mouth once again, but I cut him off, reminding him of his mistakenly thinking I was at their basketball game last year when I was in fact going into labor at home.

"_Fat, little midget person_."

"With a mustache," Coley added.

"_WITH_ a mustache," I repeated, narrowing my gaze at my brother-in-law.

"Fine," Emmett conceded before he started dancing.

I laughed a little at him before turning my attention back to my husband.

"Fine," I told him grudgingly.

Edward responded with a smile and a hug. "Thanks, love."

"Sure, sure," I grumbled. "Hal, you're on standby tomorrow. You too, Coley." I knew Alice and Rose had to work. "And _you_," I poked Edward in the chest. "You know this is going against everything I've come to believe in. You want me to befriend Mrs. Douche? I don't even know who you are any more," I joked. "You're turning my entire world upside down." I was shaking my head at him. "Happy f'kin birthday slash father's day," I said bitterly but still kidding.

Edward laughed and hugged me again. "Thanks," he said as he planted a kiss atop my head. "You're the best."

"I know that's right," I replied.

**A/N Mmmhmmm. And the word f'kin was brought to you by the wonderful and talented Carmelinagunn, who is awesome for letting me use it as needed in my fics. She's currently writing three fics right now, 'cause she's crazy like that. And by the by, my girl Breyzie1478 has a new fic up after having had all her fics removed for content, apparently. It's an AU for the end of New Moon, so check it out if you want to read about a feisty Bella. This is how it should have been!**

**So there you go. Hope you liked it. Ha, I'm getting closer and closer to writing a lemon. Holler at me, and we'll see if we can't mix up a little lemonade to serve for next time, eh? Who's in? Review, please!**


	3. Ups and Downs

**A/N Steph Meyer owns everything Twilight related. I am a mere scrub, however, I **_**do**_** own an Edward Cullen-ish car that I love with all my heart :D**

**In chapter 2, I originally had Creepy Erik written but meant Creepy Eric. Big ups to Jenn AKA OCDgirl326 for knowing the difference between the two. You are truly sick. I mean that in the best way possible. It's crazy that readers recall details like that. You're keeping me on my toes, girl!**

**So, The Daily Grind was nominated for a Glove award in the category of Best Emmett. Heck yes! Thanks to whoever nominated me. I appreciate it. So does Emmett. Voting starts August 5th. I don't want to tell you all what to do, but if you like CLG/TDG and WTHN Emmett, get out there and vote for our homeboy! Go to thegloveawards webs com Obviously, there are no spaces but dots in between. I sure hope FF doesn't erase it once I post this. If the address doesn't show up here, go to TheGloveAwards profile page on FF, a'ight? First thing's first. Here's the next installment for you to GREAR.**

**Chapter 3: Ups and Downs**

**EPOV**

It had been over a month since the birthday party, but a lot had happened, some of it good, some not so good, and some very good.

Now, Bella never thought much about sports. She was interested in baseball only as far as wondering how Chad's team, whichever team he was currently playing for, since she didn't really keep up, won or not and if he 'did okay.' And what probably was the only sports related activity that Bella could ever hope to have occurred, actually occurred. Chad had been traded from the San Diego Padres to the Seattle Mariners. Bella couldn't care less about our home team, of course. No, what this meant to my wife was that Coley would be near by all the time. So now she had all her very best friends within a fifteen- to twenty-minute drive any time she wanted to see them. Bella should have been on cloud nine.

For the most part, she was very happy and excited for Coley and Chad to move to Seattle. Coley was busy looking for a house with the help of Hal, which was fine with Bella naturally. Also, Hal was helping Alice and Coley find a space to start their party planning business, which Bella was also ecstatic about since she'd been pushing for them to join forces for quite some time now.

Bella had also done two segments of her Critic's Corner segment on the local morning show so far. She had even gotten the show a new sponsor in the form of my brother. The coffee shop bought advertising time during Bella's portion of the news show. They even had Emmett's logo, spilled coffee beans beside a large blue mug emblazoned with "Emmett's Daily Grind" and accented with steam rising from said mug, in the corner of the screen. He actually had gotten a lot more business from the advertising.

"Still with the Discovery Channel, Emmett?" Bella asked as she walked through the living room after having checked on CJ and the boys, who were all down for a nap. CJ was in her crib in her room and the boys were in toddler beds that we'd put in the guest room that Eli used when he'd come to visit. It was a Saturday evening, and Emmett and Jasper were going to babysit overnight.

"Uh, yeah, it's only shark week, sister. This guy is teaching us how to survive a shark attack. Watch, he's going to get dragged around by a shark after the next commercial break."

I looked up from my pathology book, closing it as I did so and asked, "How many times have you watched this?"

Emmett shrugged. "Three. Maybe four. There's all kinds of different survival shows on, though, so I can't be sure. Man, I love shark week, don't you?"

"I'm actually fine with anything that isn't Caillou or Barney," Bella replied. She still watched all three kids on a regular basis. "That's what the boys have been watching during the day. They're not so bad, but the voices wear on you after a while," she chuckled. "That Caillou is really whiney. It's nice to have grown-up TV on."

"And grown-up conversation and company?" I asked.

Bella narrowed her eyes at me jokingly. At least I hoped she was only joking. Bella had been a tad annoyed with me since the birthday party, with good reason of course. She had hung out with Irina exactly two and a half times. It had started with coffee, well, hot chocolate, at Emmett's with Hal to serve as a buffer slash moral support. What she wasn't expecting was for Hal and Irina to hit it off as well as they had.

That's what had Bella bit down and slightly annoyed with me. Yes, it had been my suggestion and request for Bella to befriend Irina. I knew she wasn't that psyched about it, but since Irina wasn't very excited about the whole thing yet, Bella thought more about helping the unborn child rather than becoming friends with Irina.

So Irina got to see Bella interact with CJ as well as the boys. Bella was actually a very good example of a loving and nurturing mother and aunt. Irina saw how much fun children could be, even with dirty diapers and fussiness. And Bella didn't even mind Irina all that much except that she talked a lot about clothes, another topic that Bella didn't care much for, and Laurent, who was definitely not at the top of my wife's list of fun conversation pieces.

"All she talks about is Laurent this, Laurent that. Laurent, Laurent, Laurent," Bella had complained. "I mean, I think _you're_ great and all, Edward, but I don't want to bore people to death about every minute detail about you. I mean, no one wants to hear that, right?"

I agreed with her but had found it hard to believe that Irina would tell her and Hal so much about Laurent.

"No?" Bella had asked, clearly annoyed after the last visit she'd had with Irina. "I know that Laurent takes his tea with milk. Skim not whole or two percent and definitely not full on cream because he's lactose intolerant, you see. His favorite store-bought cookie is single stuffed Oreo. He was force fed a Fig Newton when he was eight years old by one of his aunts, Mildred, I believe, his father's sister, and has never ventured to try one again to this day. Not even Fruit Newtons, Edward. He was digging Pepperidge Farm Milanos for a while but always goes back to the single stuffed Oreo…"

I was about to say something, but Bella continued her rant. "Why must I know this much about him, Edward? Why? This stupid information is taking up perfectly good space in my brain that I could be using for something more useful like…the names of the bones in the wrist or…the components of the rings of Saturn," she added arbitrarily, "but no, I have stored in my cranium Laurent's top five favorite Jean-Claude Van Damme movies of all time. And who, in their right mind, prefers single stuffed Oreos to double stuffed Oreos? I mean, really, it doesn't make any sense." Her brow was furrowed in irritation and exasperation.

So Bella didn't prefer to hang out with Irina, but it seemed that Irina really liked to hang out with Bella and, more specifically, Hal. The last time they were together was the time Bella only counted as a half visit since Irina and Hal had been off on a tangent talking about kimonos, of all things. We all knew how much Hal loved his kimono collection, but come to find out, Irina had one too. And there was apparently a kimono fashion show and traveling exhibit in town that they went to see together. Bella opted out, obviously. But that wasn't the last time Irina hung out with Hal. Between real estate showings to Alice and Coley and Coley and Chad, Hal had been spending quite a bit of time with Irina, so Bella didn't see much of him and had been a little down about that.

She didn't want to be upset about it. "Who am I to begrudge Hal a kimono loving friend?" She sighed though. "But I miss my Hal," she had said quietly and sadly. I felt bad. I was the one who started it all. It was nice that Irina was feeling better about being pregnant and that she found a friend, or at least people who'd listen to her talk about her husband, but my Bella was sad, and I couldn't have that.

I thought I'd take her mind off things by taking her out to dinner and spending the night at Hotel 1000. We'd still be in town in case anything happened with CJ, but it'd be nice to have a complete change of scenery from the HQ. Bella must have really wanted a break since she didn't protest…much.

"Fine, but just don't tell me how much it costs," was her only demand.

She didn't even mind that I was borrowing my dad's Vanquish to transport us from the apartment to the luxury hotel even after I'd explained that Aston Martin quit making these gems in 2007, that it was the model S Ultimate Edition powered by a 48-valve sixty degree V12 engine producing 460 Ps and 540 Nm of torque and was controlled by a drive-by-wire throttle and a six-speed clutchless sequential manual transmission.

"So it's a car," she'd commented casually.

I'd opened my mouth to counter that it wasn't just _a car_, that it was the S Ultimate Edition powered by a 48-valve sixty degree V12 engine producing 460 Ps and 540 Nm of torque and was controlled by a drive-by-wire throttle and a six-speed clutchless sequential manual transmission. It had been featured in the James Bond film, _Die Another Day_, for goodness sakes! But it would have been fruitless. None of those things mattered to her.

I sighed in defeat, "Yeah, it's a car."

"Cool," she had responded, nodding only once in what seemed to be a personal victory for having been able to identify a car correctly.

"So you got the Vanquish for the weekend, huh?" Emmett asked me. I nodded in assent, unable to suppress my grin. At least Emmett appreciated the vehicle, as did Jasper.

"Nice," Jasper nodded, smiling as well.

"I know," I replied proudly. We each had a wistful, faraway look in our eyes, thinking about that beautiful piece of machinery, when Bella's voice disrupted our little revelry.

"You guys are sure you'll be all right overnight?" Bella asked for the second time that afternoon.

"For the hundredth time, Bells, we got this," Emmett answered confidently. "We're gonna watch the hell out of these kids, aren't we Curly Sue," he said to Jasper, who gave Emmett a strange look.

"Umm, I don't know what _watching the hell out of them_ means exactly, but I assume that's a good thing, right?" Bella asked as she set her overnight bag down by the door.

"Heck yeah," Emmett boomed the same time Jasper gave Bella a thumbs up.

"Okay then. We really appreciate this, guys," she told them.

Emmett waved her off. "It's cool. Go and have a good time. But speaking of appreciating things, Bells, thanks for mentioning me in your latest movie review."

Bella had reviewed the Leonardo DiCaprio film, _Inception_, and had said how even her very discerning brother-in-law enjoyed it.

"How do you even know she was talking about you?" Jasper asked. "She could have been talking about me. We all went to it together, remember, genius?"

Emmett rolled his eyes. "First of all, Blondie, I _am_ very discerning. B, you were ambivalent about the movie. That's right, I said ambivalent. Want me to tell you what it means? Whereas it made me feel…viscerally. And—"

"How do you get _ambivalent_ from me saying I'd need to see it again to really get it?" Jasper argued. "And what the hell? _Feel viscerally_? I don't even know what you're talking about."

"_AND three_," Emmett continued, ignoring Jasper as if he hadn't said a word, "You're _Eddie's_ brother-in-law, not Bella's, so clearly she was speaking about me."

"She's married to Eddie…"

"Hey!" I growled. I hated being called Eddie.

They both ignored me.

"So, therefore, I'm her brother-in-law as well."

"Pssshhh. You're really reaching on that one, bro…" Emmett said, shaking his head. But then he noticed that Bella had exited the apartment, tired, no doubt, of their bickering. "Bells, tell Garrett if he needs me to do the segment with you, I'm available!" he hollered in the direction of the door.

I had grabbed both our small suitcases and joined her outside of the HQ just as Jasper was chastising Emmett, "Why in the world would Garrett need you?" Emmett was in the middle of his explanation, probably, when the door closed fully, gifting us with the beautiful sound of silence.

"Those guys are nuts," Bella said shaking her head. "And they're watching our child."

"Yes," I nodded. "Yes, they are," I agreed on both counts as I pulled her in for a hug. "Are we bad parents?" I joked, kissing her forehead.

Bella laughed. "Maybe. Only time will tell. At least Rose and Alice and Coley will be back later to watch _them_ watch the kids."

"True," I nodded. Those two need more supervision than the toddlers.

So we were off to the hotel in the "fancy car", as Bella had dubbed it. _Fancy_. It was one of the most coveted automobiles on the planet. Leave it to Bella to keep me, and the car, from developing an inflated ego.

"Thanks for this, Edward," she told me as she breathed in deeply and then exhaled slowly. I could practically see the stress vanishing as Bella leaned back, sinking into the soft black leather of the seat. I knew for sure then that this was a good idea to just get away, even for one night.

Once we got to the hotel and checked in, Bella admonished me for probably spending way too much on a room (she still didn't know how much it cost), especially since we were only going to sleep there, not throw a royal ball, but then she saw just how nice the room was.

_Room_ actually didn't do the expanse of space and abundant amenities justice, but just like the Vanquish was just _a car_, this was just a _room, a room which _held a bathroom with a ceiling-fed pedestal tub as well as a walk-in shower. The main guest room itself was a cherry wood sanctuary equipped with extra-soft Thai linens and a 40-inch LCD TV with surround sound.

"Now _this_ is fancy," I said with a whistle. I turned around when I heard Bella latch the door and slowly saunter towards me to wrap her arms around my waist. "Where do…you… want to…go…for…dinner?" I asked between kisses.

Bella wasted no time unbuttoning and unzipping my jeans as her mouth devoured mine, playfully capturing my lips with her teeth as she clawed off my boxers.

Bella dropped to her knees, dragging her fingers slowly down my chest and torso, leaving nothing but tingles in their wake. I clenched my butt cheeks as I felt her warm tongue go up the length of my shaft, her lips pulled at the taut skin, wrapping around me as her wet tongue swirled the very tip, causing me to tremble.

"Bella," I hissed, wanting her to keep going but at the same time, I was trying to not be greedy. I held her still, pushing her back slightly, so I could drop to the floor as well, meeting her lustful gaze.

It amazed me how she could be this nurturing mother figure to our daughter and nephews, tending to their every want and need and then putting that part of her away so she could be this sensual, unrestrained, sex goddess before me.

Bella pulled the hem of my shirt up so I could shed it, all the while, caressing every inch of my exposed flesh with her soft fingertips. I let out a low moan when she pinched and kneaded at my nipples while I all but tore off the buttons of her blouse and rid her of her bra. I made her stand up for just a moment so we could remove her jeans and underwear. I noted how saturated they were. The scent of them made me want her even more. I couldn't wait to be inside of her.

I kissed up her milky white thighs, cupping her bottom in my hands as I ran my tongue up the length of her lips, eliciting a gasp from Bella from the sensation of me sucking on her most sensitive spot. Slowly, I eased her back down to straddle me. We both moaned as she buried me inside of her in one excruciatingly slow movement before she vigorously pumped her body up and down, clenching around me as she leaned back slightly so I could massage her breasts, tasting and teasing her hardened nipples.

With a forceful thrust upward meeting the opposing movement of her hips bucking against me, I felt Bella's walls tightened around me, squeezing me as I pulsated and throbbed inside her.

And the sound that Bella made as she climaxed, part moan, part squeal, part exhalation, all in ecstasy, was my new Holy Grail. She had never vocalized like that before, but I would make sure I'd get her to do it again and again or die trying. It was the sexiest sound I'd ever heard.

We lied there, collapsed on the floor, for a good couple of minutes, covered in our own sweat, before Bella's small chuckle broke the silence.

"What is it?"

"We didn't even make it to the bed," she laughed.

"Mmm, well, we have all night. This is a pretty comfortable spot for more," I said, referring to the plush carpet underneath us as well as the water fountain ten feet away that took up the height and length of the wall.

Bella shook her head. "This isn't just more, Edward," she said, pulling my face to hers. "This is good old fashioned hotel sex." She touched her lips to mine softly before looking around the room. "Now where's that _Do Not Disturb_ sign?"

We weren't going out to dinner after all, I surmised.

**A/N Yay for lemonade. Hope you enjoyed the little drinky, drink. Holler at me so I know you read this and don't forget to vote. Until next time, guys, much love!**


	4. Awww SNAP!

**E/N (Emmett's note) I'm not Steph Meyer. Hell, I'm not even MJ. This is me, Emmett. I've hijacked MJ's laptop and decided to post a damn chapter myself since she's been…I don't wanna say lame, but hey, let's call a spade a spade. Yup, she's all uninspired or some such nonsense. It had been a while since she'd written anything so I asked her what was up. Well, she growled at me and told me to STFU. And I was all, "Touchy much? I'll do it myself then." And she was all, "Good. Tell the kids I said 'Hi'." So, "Hi," from MJ. Meanwhile, I gots a story to tell…And what is it MJ always says to you? GREAR? Whatever. Just go read, enjoy, and review instead, why don't you? Oh, and I'll see if Edward'll join us here. He's a bit of a pansy. Didn't like the idea of me boggarting MJ's macbook. I told him to suck it up. The kids wanna read this (am I right, kids?). Besides, I wasn't there for the HQ part and he was. We'll see how compliant Eddie is today.**

**WTHN**

**Chapter 4: Aww SNAP!**

**Emmett POV (yup, that's right)**

Holy hell. Bella was pissed. I'd be, too, if my best friend called someone else _my_ nickname. That probably wouldn't have been so bad, but it was on top of said best friend dissing me on my birthday.

Lemme start over. No, there's too much. Let me just say that Hal had let Bella down big time. Big time. See, he was supposed to meet Bells at the children's museum the day before her birthday to hang out with the kids, plus she hadn't seen him in a while since he'd been busy helping Alice and Coley and Coley and Chad, and…oh yeah. He'd been hanging out with the lady douche. Again. Not only did they go to look at those stupid kimonos together, they had coffee, well, hot chocolate, over here in my shop quite frequently, like two to three times a week and without Bells.

Bells was a little irked. Hell, I was too. Hal was treating Irina like he treated Bella. That is, he was all over the top nice to her, which was fine except for Irina was believing, and trying to get the rest of us to believe, that she _was_ Bella or at least taking Bella's place in Hal's life and kind of in mine. That crazy bitch thought she could tell me when and what to dance.

"Emmett, you need to do the Jerk," she said, laughing. The nerve, right? Hal was with her. He looked a little uncomfortable when she tried to boss me and didn't even chuckle along. Why was Irina even here?

I just stared at her blankly and was about to cuss her out when Rose came into the shop with Alice. We were going to have a small surprise party for Bella after I closed the shop. They made a bee line right to Hal and Irina over on the sofa.

"Hal, why are you here?" Alice asked sharply.

"Umm, for Bella's birthday, of course," he responded in his snotty, sing-songy, big, gay voice. **(E/N: MJ **_**NEVER**_** really tells you how Hal sounds. Well, that's how he sounds, all gay and stuff—not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just how he sounds).**

"No, why are you here and _not_ with Bella?" Rose asked. She seemed pissed, and you don't want Rose pissed. Believe me.

Alice and Rosie both looked at Hal expectantly as he sat there thinking real hard. I hate when they did that—stand there staring, waiting for you to realize what the hell they were talking about instead of straight out telling you what they were talking about. Hal was supposed to know what the hell they were talking about, I guess. I once complained to Rosie about why she didn't just tell me why she was pissed or what she was talking about, but she was all, "If you don't know, I'm _not _going to tell you."

What the hell did that mean anyway? Well, apparently it meant I was supposed to read her mind and know. Psshh, women.

But anyway, Hal sat there with his eyes kind of rolled back in his head, thinking about where he was supposed to be, while Irina sat there looking stupid and confused.

"Have you been sitting here all day?" Rose demanded, jolting him out of his own thoughts.

"No, I've been with Irina," Hal answered nervously, pointing his thumb at the lady douche.

"We've been shopping for maternity clothes," Irina said. She was all cheery sounding and smiling, but she quickly wiped the smile off her face when both Alice and Rosie glared at her. They eyeballed her up and down and glanced to the floor beside Irina where about five shopping bags sat. Then they turned their gaze back to Hal.

"So, you have been shopping…" Rose paused as if to add 'with this bitch'…"instead of hanging out with Bella and the kids at the museum? I thought you were supposed to meet her."

Just as Alice's phone dinged with an incoming text, Hal must have realized what the hell he did wrong, slapping his forehead, making a face and saying, "Oh, shit!"

"And where's your phone?" Alice asked impatiently after looking at her text message. "Bella has been trying to reach you all afternoon."

Hal started patting his pockets, pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket. He had the look of horror in his eyes when he discovered it wasn't on.

He swallowed hard as his phone finished turning on. He looked at it. "Shit, I missed like three calls and…" he swallowed hard again, "…five texts from Bells."

Crap. I shook my head at Hal. That wasn't cool. He made a face. He looked like he felt really bad. I kind of felt bad for him. Only a little bit.

Hal recited to us the messages he missed:

**Text at 10:47 am: Can't wait to hang out. Cj n I have missed you.**

**Text at 10:48 am: The boys too. C u soon.**

**Text at 11:30 am: r u on ur way? Waiting at entrance**

**Text at 11:46 am: inside with kids. They're really crazy today. Could use some help.**

**Text at 12:21 pm: we're having lunch in the cafeteria. Where r u? everything ok?**

**Voicemail at 12:22 pm: "Hey, Hal, where are you? I hope everything is okay. Call me back or text me back so I know you're all right."**

**Voicemail at 12:25 pm: "Hal, Shane and I are both worried now. I called him looking for you. Where are you? I'm leaving the museum after the kids finish lunch, which will be very soon."**

**Voicemail at 12:26 pm: "Hal, Bella can't seem to reach you and I can't get a hold of you either. Where the hell are you? You'd never blow Bella off like that, so we're both very worried. She's got the three kids so I'll keep trying to get a hold of you myself." **

That was Shane.

I glanced at my watch. It was almost one-thirty. Hal texted Bella and Shane back, finally, probably telling them he was okay and that he was at the coffee shop.

Shane must have called back right away because Hal was yapping on the phone with him, but Bella hadn't acknowledged Hal's message yet.

Just then I got a call from Edward.

"What's going on? I turned on my phone at the end of my shift and got a series of texts from Bella asking if Hal was brought into the ER. He hasn't, but was he in an accident? I can't get a hold of her now."

"Nah, bro, there's a whole 'so much to do over nothing' thing going on here."

"Huh?" Edward asked. He sounded confused. "What the…Oh, you mean 'Much Ado About Nothing'?"

That's what I just said. I was a little irritated. "Dude, that's what I just said," I told him, rolling my eyes. Eddie always thinks he's solved some kind of puzzle, but he only just repeats what I so clearly told him a moment before. He's haughty that way.

"Anyway," I said, looking over at Alice. She was on her phone talking to someone. Probably it was Bells. "Alice is talking to her now, I think. Lemme get us all on a conference call." I quickly added Alice and Bella to my call with Eddie, and a second later, we four were talking to each other, even though Alice and I were in the same room.

"Bella, are you all right?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, now that I know Hal's all right."

"Well, he's been out shopping with Irina," Alice sneered as she sidled up next to me, leaving Hal on the phone with Shane and Irina just staring at an annoyed Rosie.

"Wait, he didn't go to the museum with you?" Eddie asked Bella.

"Nope," Bella, Alice, and I all answered. Hal was supposed to keep Bella and the kids occupied this afternoon so we could get the DG ready for her party.

"And he was shopping with Irina instead?" Edward asked, sounding disgusted.

"Yup," I answered, nodding.

"Mmm-hmmm," Alice answered with disdain, still sneering.

"I guess," Bella answered sadly.

"I'm going to help Bella with the kids," Rosie announced, getting up and heading for the door. She stopped on her way to give me a quick kiss goodbye. "See you soon," she said. I wasn't sure if she meant it for me or for Bells.

At this time, Irina had gotten up as well. "I'll just be leaving then. See you later, Halston." She kissed Hal on his cheek. I couldn't suppress my laugh. _Halston_. I mean, come on. What kind of name is that?

"Bye, baby girl," Hal said almost absentmindedly in his sing-songy, big, gay voice again.

Irina smiled as she walked out while the rest of us, Rosie, Alice, and I, looked on with shocked expressions, mouths slightly open. I heard Alice and Rosie's sharp intake of breath. Edward was silent. I couldn't believe it either. Oh, hell no. Did he just call Irina Bella's nickname?

"Did Hal just call Irina _baby girl_?" Bella asked stiffly. Ouch. I felt bad for her now.

"Did you just call Irina, _baby girl_?" Shane's voice shrilled from Hal's phone. "What the hell, Halston?" And with that, Shane hung up on his man.

"I…uh…" Hal stood there looking at his phone.

"Hold me up to Hal's ear," Bella ordered us, so Alice and I walked over to Hal and held our phones up to each of his ears, so he could hear Bella in stereo.

"HALSTON. ALOWISHUS. LAMBERT. How could you?" she asked. Bella's voice was half filled with hurt and half filled with anger.

Oh my god! Did she just call him Halston Alowishus Lambert? I really couldn't help but laugh out loud that time. Everyone turned to look at me. I knew it was kind of a tense moment, but I couldn't keep it to myself.

"What?" I asked. Wasn't it obvious to them? "Hal's initials spell Hal!" I laughed again. "That's so strong!" Was no one else amused by this? Come on, people!

"Bella, I'll be there soon," Alice, Rose, Edward, _AND _Hal all said at the same time.

And then everyone just hung up and/or left. Alice took a handful of chocolate chip cookies with her, the little weasel. Well, then I thought they'd probably be for Bella, so I forgave her instantly.

I obviously couldn't leave. It was Sunday, the day before Bella's actual birthday. I closed the shop early on Sundays, but I still had another half hour or so left of business. It was pretty slow on Sunday afternoons.

"What the hell just happened?" Janie asked out of nowhere. Had she been here the whole time?

"Have you been here the whole time? I thought I sent you home a while ago."

"Yeah, well, I forgot my book," she said holding up some chick-lit novel, "and then all THIS happened," she continued, spreading her arms out. "Are you guys still throwing Bella's birthday party here?"

"I think so." I shrugged. I really wasn't sure after what just had gone down. "I better set up just in case. It won't be much. Just ice cream and cupcakes and some other random food that Bells likes. Coley and Chad are actually supposed to help me after they get done with the walk-through of their new condo. Edward too, but he went back to their apartment since Hal dropped the ball."

I checked my watch again and looked at the door. As if on cue, Coley and Chad walk in pulling a wagonload of presents. The boxes were all stacked on top of each other. Each wrapped in different colored paper with these crazy and elaborate ribbons and bows. I didn't get it. Did they want an ass-kicking? Bella was already angry as it was.

"So do you two _want _an ass-kicking?" I asked them. "You know Bella's gonna be pissed about these." I said gesturing to the boxes. Bella hated presents. She's crazy that way. Who hates presents anyway? Crazies, that's who. Oh, man, she's gonna go all Bella on Chad and Coley.

To my astonishment, they waved me off. "Relax, man," Chad said. "There's nothing in these. You think we're insane?"

I looked at them like they _were_ insane. Both Janie and I did.

Coley laughed. "There's literally nothing in these boxes, Emmett. We're giving her the usual from Chad."

I thought about that for a moment. Chad never gave Bells anything since the flower incident in high school, if I remember correctly. "A whole lot of nothing?" I asked.

"Bingo!" Coley said, smiling. "So what's been going on?"

Janie laughed as she told us all goodbye and wished us to have fun, "…if the party happens."

Coley and Chad both look at me, each with one raised eyebrow, looking sufficiently confused.

"Sit down," I tell them, "and check this drama out."

I had finished telling them about Bella sounding all sad and angry at Hal after the nickname incident when Rose and Alice and Jazz came in. Jazz was pushing a triple stroller with a child strapped in each spot. That thing was a monster, but it accommodated all the kids. Bella used it when she took them all out. I honestly didn't know how she maneuvered it; she was so small. She must have been freakishly strong. That was the only explanation. I wouldn't mess with her anyway. I'd learned my lesson not to mess with Bella.

Coley was cracking up while Chad just looked at her like she was nuts.

"Wait. Wait," she said breathlessly. "Hal's initials _spell_ Hal?" she all but squealed. See? I didn't even need to point it out to her. I knew Coca-Coley would be down. "His middle name isn't on his business card so I never knew what it was, but that's so great!" she said, still laughing.

"I know. Right?" I said, pounding her fist.

"Hey, guys," Coley greeted them. "How's Hal-gate going?" she asked Alice and Rose as she unfastened Chucky's buckles and picked her up. "Hi, honey. How are you?"

Chucky grabbed Coley's nose and squeezed. It was kind of her thing. My niece laughed in delight as Coley spoke to her with a plugged up nose, essentially.

"Oww. You're doing just fine, I thee," Coley lisped as she pried CJ's little hand off of her nose and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Good grip, this one," she commented. Coley continued to hold CJ as CJ played with Coley's hair and patted her face, that was also Chucky's thing, pat-pat-patting our faces while we held her.

Everyone nodded in consensus. We'd all experienced Chucky's death grip on our noses.

"So I take it Bella will be here since her child is here," Chad commented.

"Did Hal go up to see Bells too?" Coley asked.

Alice and Rose made faces, scrunching up their noses.

"Well, he tried to," Alice told us.

"Yeah, Shane met us at the elevator and he was berating Hal while we rode the elevator up," Rose said.

"What was he yelling at Hal about?" Coley asked. "About the baby girl thing?"

Alice explained, "That and the fact that they barely spend any time together anymore because Hal was always with Irina, and now he's blowing off one of his best friends, on the day of her birthday party, even though Bella never cares that it's her birthday, blah, blah, blah. The elevator door closed."

"When we left, Hal was outside the HQ looking all sad and repentant," Rose said. "We took the kids, meeting Jasper on the way over here. Said we'd take them for a walk so she could have a break but to meet us over here in a bit. Who knows if Hal even got to talk to Bells?"

"Hey, what's with all the presents?" Alice asked, looking at the pile o' gifts. "Do you _want _her to go all Bella on you or what?"

**EPoV (It's me, Edward. Emmett made me…)**

This was completely out of hand. I couldn't believe Hal blew Bella off like that. She was so worried about him earlier, too. And then for him to use Bella's pet name for Irina…I was disappointed and angry for my wife.

Luckily, Alice and Rosalie were already with Bella when I arrived home. She seemed to be all right, a little down, but she'd been that way for some time now, even after the overnight trip to the hotel.

Hal was right outside our door when I had gotten home.

He caught me before I'd gone in the apartment.

"Edward," he pleaded. "I'm so sorry. Is she _so_ mad at me?"

I was a bit taken aback. Literally. Hal had placed his hands on my shoulders, catching me by surprise and causing me to shrink back.

"Uh, I actually don't know, Hal. I'm just now getting here." I thought that was obvious, but hey, everyone seemed to be on edge, so who was I to judge?

"Well, tell her I'm really sorry, okay. Shane was right. I'm an idiot. I was blinded by stupid kimonos and…"

"Hal," I interrupted. "It's not me you owe the apology to," I reminded him. "I appreciate the gesture, though. I'll tell Bella you'd like to talk to her, okay?" I was willing him with all my mental might, to remove his hands from my shoulders. Couldn't he tell I was uncomfortable?

Hal nodded vehemently, his hands were still on me, and he looked as though he were thinking about…I didn't know what, but he needed to be snapped back to reality.

"Hal," I said. "I need to go see Bella now." I moved my head in the direction of the door of my apartment.

"Right," he said, letting go of me at last. "I'll be right out here." Right. I got that.

When I got inside, Rose and Alice were putting the kids into the stroller to take them for a little walk. I swooped CJ up when she wobbled toward me, trying to run in her own way, I supposed, with her arms stretched out. I wasn't sure if that was for balance or if she wanted me to pick her up.

"Hey, you," I said, kissing CJ atop her curly, brownze head of hair. "How's my best girl? Owww." She squeezed my nose and laughed in satisfaction. That was her thing. Then she patted my face. I loved when she did that.

"Daaa," she sang.

"That's right. Daddy," I said.

"Go, go."

"Are you going for a walk?" I asked. She answered me with another _go-go_, so I set her down in the front of the stroller, strapping her in and then ruffling EmJ and Adam's hair and saying hello to them.

"Just meet us at the coffee shop in a bit," Alice told us.

"Okay, thanks, guys," Bella said as Alice and Rose left. "Bye, kids."

The boys waved bye to us as Alice pulled the stroller out backwards so we could see the kids as they left.

I turned to Bella once the door closed, giving her a once over. She did seem okay. Maybe a little tired. I guess the kids were really rambunctious in the Tot Spot at the children's museum. She really could have used an extra set of hands today.

"I'm sorry I had to go in to the hospital," I apologized, wrapping her in my arms. "I'd have much rather been hanging out with you."

"Oh, don't be silly, Edward. You're not at fault in any way," she said into my shoulder.

"Well, love, I'm sorry Hal let you down today."

Bella broke away from the hug, making a face.

"Yeah, well…" she said glumly. "What are you going to do, right?"

"If it helps, he's really sorry," I offered.

"Good. He should be," Bella said, lifting her chin up just a skosh.

"He really wants to apologize, Bella," I told her. "He's right outside the door, actually." She made another face, rolling her eyes. "I can tell him to go away, but I don't think he will until he gets to talk to you, though."

"No, you're probably right." She took a deep breath to steel herself. "Hal, come on in," Bella bellowed toward the door.

Instantly, Hal opened the door and practically ran inside, grabbing Bella by her hand and pulling her over to the sofa in one swift motion. He certainly was spry.

I was going to leave the two alone, thinking they wanted the privacy, but Hal started in with his apology so fast, I didn't get a chance to move a foot.

"Oh, Bella, my Popsicle is _really_ melting. You have to know how sick I feel about today. You know I'll never let you down again. I just completely effed up today, and I swear I won't ever do it again. And the whole calling Irina…You know...well that sort of just slipped out. You know she's not my baby girl. _You're_ my baby girl and I'll be so sad if you never forgave and hated me forever, but it'd be just what I deserved for what I did. I'm such a…"

"Oh, my god, Hal, you're such a drama queen! Calm down," Bella ordered. "It's fine. I forgive you, sheesh!"

"You do?" he asked, unsure.

"Yeah."

"Just like that?" Hal asked in disbelief. Bella had always been very forgiving.

"Uh-huh." She nodded.

"But I blew you off. And my BGBG and the boys."

"Yes. Yes, you did. And that really sucked."

"And then I called Irina…"

"Yeah, and that _really_ wasn't cool."

"So how come you can forgive me so easily?" He cocked his head to the side, peering at Bella with one eye squinted.

Bella shrugged. "I don't know. Because I'm so awesome, I guess," she joked.

I couldn't help but smile. She really was awesome.

"You _are_, baby girl. You _are_!" Hal hugged Bella tightly. "Eww, you kind of smell, though," Hal commented, making a face and pulling away. "What is that? Banana yogurt?"

"And cheese. I always smell like macaroni and cheese these days," she complained. That was true. I guess the kids really liked it.

"Nice. Well, I'll let you get cleaned up then." Hal stood up and added, "And I'm sorry again about hanging out with Irina so much. I'll cut it out…"

"Hal, you don't have to stop hanging out with her. I'm sure you've found some…_redeeming_ qualities about her." I stifled my laughter. I was pretty sure Bella couldn't think of one redeeming thing about Irina.

"Well, she was kind of bugging me anyway. You know she tried to tell Emmett to dance earlier today?"

"No!" Bella laughed. She shook her head in disbelief.

"I thought Emmett was going to shoot her. He looked at her like she was out of her mind," Hal laughed. Then he got really quiet, furrowing his brow. He was deep in thought again.

"What is it?" Bella asked.

"You know what? She was playing with my phone earlier at the mall. She had forgotten hers and wanted to check some messages. She put my phone into my pocket when she was done. I wonder if she turned it off on purpose because look," he brought the phone out. "I had _museum_ in my calendar _with_ an alert 'cause you know I can't ever remember anything. And then she distracted me by pointing out some great boots at Neiman Marcus."

"Really?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, they're patent leather Cole Haan's and completely hot!"

"No, Hal," Bella shook her head at him. "You think she'd turn your phone off on purpose? That's really…that really sucks." If it were true, then it really did suck.

"I know. Doesn't it?" Hal retorted with a huff. "I may just have to rethink this whole friendship with her." He paused. "Did you ever notice she talks about Laurent a lot? Like…A LOT!"

Bella only laughed. "Hal, I'll see you later. I need to wash the banana yogurt and mac 'n' cheese smell off me now."

Hal nodded. "You're right. Bye, sweetie. And let's watch a movie together this week. Just the two of us. Edward, you'll have to be on BGBG duty," he informed me.

"Right. No problem," I told him as he left.

Bella met my gaze after Hal was gone. We were silent for a moment, letting everything that had just transpired sink in before we both started cracking up.

"You gotta love Hal, right?" she commented after snorting through her laughter, which caused us to laugh some more.

"He's…something else," I said, walking back over to Bella and pulling her into a hug. I took a big whiff of her hair. Strawberries. Yep, banana yogurt and…mac 'n' cheese. How'd I not notice earlier?

"You smell like a buffet," I pointed out.

"I know," she said with a sigh. "I need a quick shower before going to pick CJ up, okay?"

"So do I," I said, nodding.

"Edward," Bella said in a warning tone. I smiled mischievously at her. She gave me the stink eye. "No funny business." She smacked my bottom.

"What funny business?" I asked, kissing her neck and then tugging on her earlobe with my teeth.

"We need to…get to the…DG and…pick…CJ…up," Bella managed to say while I continued my assault on her neck and collarbone.

"Besides," she continued, pushing on my chest. Somehow she was able create some space between us. "Remember our deal?"

Damn. I was hoping she'd forgotten with all the business with Hal and Irina. Her mind was like a steel trap.

I sighed. "No _more_ the day before our more-eversary," I recited blandly. We'd decided this last year. I couldn't remember why I'd agreed to it.

And as though she'd read my mind, Bella answered softly, her breath tickling my ear, "Because I'll make it _so_ worth it tomorrow." She underscored her statement by squeezing my butt and grinding her hipbone into my pelvis. Damn. I forgot what I was even thinking.

**E/N Dude, I did NOT need to see the end part there. What the hell is a more-eversary anyway? Hopefully MJ gets off her ass and does some writing soon. I'll send phantom and lovee over to light a fire under her and not keep you guys waiting so long again. And yeah, I've been bugging her about the battle scene in the next (and possibly last) chapter of ATO. She claims she really wants to get it right. I call bullshit. Anyway, shoot me a review and I'll relay any requests or messages to MJ myself, all right? Peace out and thanks for reading!**


	5. Dog Days Are Over

**A/N I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack! No, I'm not SM, just borrowing her characters and creating a few of my own. Did you like Emmett and Edward guest writing last time? (if you can remember back that far)-I know. I know. My popsicle is melting. I hope all of you are doing well. If you'd like, I can maybe twist Emmett's arm into writing some more. Quite a few of you liked his E/N. Let me know. I'll speak with you more at the end of this one, so without further ado, I give to you chapter 5 to GREAR (Go, Read, Enjoy, And Review).**

**WTHN**

**Chapter 5: Dogs Days Are Over**

**BPoV**

Well the birthday party my friends threw for me at the coffee shop was quite a surprise. Normally I'd have been annoyed and embarrassed that they'd gone to all the trouble, but after spending a good portion of my day with toddlers at the children's museum only to be blown off by Hal (for Irina of all people), I was happy, overjoyed even, to spend time with adults, specifically, my friends and family.

And yes, Hal and Shane even joined us, though it was clear that there was tension between them. I supposed that Shane was still miffed about Hal having spent so much time with Irina. And since it seemed that Hal was having a tough go of it with his man, I didn't want to give him a harder time, even if I was still a bit annoyed with him. It's difficult to stay mad at someone as sweet as Hal, especially after Shane had left the party before it was over and without Hal. He'd told us that Shane had a situation to take care of.

Keeping with the As Seen on TV theme from my birthday parties past, I received quite the bounty of weird, yet oddly intriguing gifts. I truly believed that they used my birthday as an excuse to buy and try out the crazy products advertised in the middle of the night on television. It didn't make me feel too guilty that they'd spent money on me knowing that most of the items they'd presented me with only cost around $19.95 each.

Alice surprised me with the Pajama Jeans, which I was positive she secretly wanted to wear herself. I also received a blue Snuggie for JoJo, Yoshi Blade knives, and a Big Boss Grill. My Big Top Cupcake maker was commandeered by Emmett just as quickly as he'd gifted it to me. I didn't mind as long as he was planning on making me a ginormous yellow cupcake with chocolate frosting because who wouldn't want an enormous cupcake twenty-five times the size of a normal cupcake? The answer, as Emmett would say, would be crazy people; that's who.

Speaking of food, as an added bonus, we all got to pig out on some of my favorite foods. Where Emmett's chocolate chip non-cookies had missed the mark during our cookie throw down a couple years ago, his cupcakes (yellow with chocolate frosting, of course) were out of this world!

Having to go pick CJ up at the Daily Grind was a good excuse to not engage in more, even though my resolve to not do anything the day before our more-aversary had been disintegrating. Edward did not help matters as he was making it difficult to leave the apartment that afternoon. But I told him I'd make the wait worth it. Well, he was the one that made the wait _really_ worth it when we finally celebrated our more-aversary. Let's just say that it was a really good night.

"Hey, Edward, have you seen…" I stopped the question short upon seeing the wicked grin on his face. I rolled my eyes. "Stop," I told him in yet another warning tone. He was at it again. He was relentless. It had been four days since my birthday and our more-aversary for goodness sakes.

"What?" he asked with an innocent shrug.

"Stop with the look."

"What look?" He shrugged again, but his expression remained amused and slightly arrogant.

"You know good and well which look to which I am referring," I answered almost curtly. I wasn't angry with him. Just slightly irritated, but it was mostly out of embarrassment. "It's not happening," I informed him.

"C'mon, Bella," Edward pleaded with that crooked smile of his. Under normal circumstances, I'd have given in, but not today. Oh, god, he added the smoldering eye thing, too, as he wrapped his arms around my waist and began to nuzzle my neck and earlobe.

"I'm not saying it just because you want me to, mister. Besides, it'd be completely out of context and…" He was getting me all flustered.

"It doesn't have to be out of context. We could go back to bed right now and…"

I was about to leave for the news studio, and Edward had to try and completely distract me. The nerve!

So, yeah, during our night of more on my birthday, I said…Well, never mind what I said during a moment of heightened passion. The point is, Edward was not only more turned on but also quite smug about it. He had since tried to get me to say it again, which I really didn't think would happen. I mean, things were said when more was happening. Filters that would normally be in place just aren't anymore, and words and phrases slip. What could I say?

It's not that I minded more more. Of course I didn't! It was just that…

"Edward," I whined as I pushed slightly against his chest to create space between us. "A, I have to go." He lips pouted slightly, so I had to kiss them. He smiled as he grabbed my butt. I merely sighed and shook my head in disapproval, "That wasn't an invitation to continue." I'd given him a look conveying that I meant business.

"B, we _can_ continue this later, but I can't promise you I'll say it again. It'd be so contrived anyway, wouldn't it?" I asked.

He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Who doesn't want to hear from his beautiful wife that he—"

"Edward," I warned again, adding the stink eye while probably turning red at the same time. He knew I was embarrassed about hearing whatever lusty phrase I'd uttered during more out loud.

"Okay, okay," he conceded with a wry smile. "To be continued."

I smiled and nodded once in satisfaction, adding a quick kiss.

"Give CJ a kiss for me when she wakes up," I told him as I grabbed by car keys.

"Will do. Say hi to my brother, and…good luck?" he asked, giving me an expression of uncertainty.

I merely grinned, giving a shrug of uncertainty myself.

"_Good luck_ works."

Somehow, Emmett got me to "just mention" to my producer, Garrett, that he would be interested in doing guest spots on my Friday morning segments. It helped his case that Emmett was my brother-in-law, a friend of Laurent's, had experience helping me as a contributor to Mars and Venus when Edward couldn't do it, and a big time advertisement customer for the news station, having brought in a few other customers through his Seattle Small Business Owners Networking Network, and yes, Emmett came up with that name himself.

Emmett and his NN, as we liked to refer to his little club, had brought in quite a few advertising dollars, so Garrett was happy to allow Emmett to drop in on my Critics Corner, as long as I was game. I actually didn't mind, as Emmett and I got along splendidly, and I could boss him around since it was my segment. I wondered fleetingly if I could order him to do a dance while we were filming live. The thought made me smile.

Our first assignment was pretty easy: watch The Fighter, starring Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale. Though I'm not a huge fan of boxing, I enjoyed the movie very much, as did Emmett and Edward.

Emmett's and my review and banter about the film went just fine. It went smoothly, and it was entertaining, as Garrett told us afterward. I really didn't think it'd have been possible to botch up a three-minute segment. But with Emmett on board, one could never be too sure.

For his part, Emmett was on his best behavior, breezing in and out of conversations with Garrett and other producers present and winning over everyone on the crew by bringing in coffee, cookies, and muffins to feed the entire staff. Yes, and true, a little bribery never hurt.

In any case, everyone loved the segment as well as Emmett, and the producers invited him back to do a book review next time. I couldn't help but be proud of Emmett. I beamed at his modest acceptance of the gig, knowing, underneath his calm and collected façade, he was doing cartwheels and was as excited as a tween at a Justin Beiber concert.

Afterwards, I went back home to relieve Edward of toddler duty so he could go into the hospital for the rest of the day. I didn't see him until that evening when he got back to the HQ for dinner and to take over for me so I could hang out with Hal. We'd still be in the apartment, but Hal and I would be watching a movie in the bedroom later. I was looking forward to it since I hadn't gotten to see him all week. Whatever business it was that pulled Shane away from my party earlier in the week, it had Hal preoccupied as well. I had tried to get a hold of him a couple times during the week, but he was busy with Shane and couldn't talk. I hoped they were working things out.

Before Hal came downstairs for our quality time together, Emmett came over with Rosalie to get EmJ and Alice and Jasper came to get Adam. I loved when we could all get together, even for a short time. I missed Coley, though, who was at an away game with Chad in New York.

"That was fun today, right, Bells?" Emmett asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"Yes, it was, Em. You really earned some fans today at the station. They all loved you! But are you up for doing a book review this time around?"

"Heck yeah! And I promise it'll go over way better than that stupid book club I was in," he vowed.

I wrinkled my brow just as Jasper and Rosalie uttered an, "Oh, geez," each. Edward and Alice were both shaking their heads in disdain. Clearly, I was the only one out of the loop.

"You were in a book club, Emmett?" I asked in surprise. It wasn't that I didn't think he could ever belong to a book club, it was…well, yes, that was it. I mean, when you looked at Emmett, the phrase, "Yes, he must belong to a book club," didn't necessarily come to mind. More like, "I wonder if he really is a fan of," whichever boy band tee he was wearing or, "I wonder what he bench presses."

Emmett sighed and then shook his head, "Sister, they kicked me out."

"You got kicked out of a book club?" I asked in astonishment. Who gets kicked out of a book club?

"Who gets kicked out of a book club?" Jasper asked with scorn.

Seriously, who does?

"Those English teachers thought they were SO much better than me," Emmett complained.

"What? Because they actually _read_?" Alice chimed in, rolling her eyes at her brother.

"With their 'high falootin' mumbo jumbo,'" Emmett continued, ignoring his sister.

Where had I heard that phrase?

"Anne of Green f'kin Gables," he said sorely, answering my question for me.

"So I take it you didn't read the books?" I asked.

"First, they all approached ME to join their sad little book club, all right?" he said defensively. "I livened up that homely congregation of spinsters, and THAT'S how they treat me?"

I looked around in bewilderment at everyone in the room. They looked back at me, nodding their heads infinitesimally. A nerve had definitely been struck.

"Umm, ooo-kay," I replied cautiously.

"And B, one of them had told me to just watch the movies when I casually noted over lunch how many books there were in the stupid series. How was I supposed to know she was being facetious?"

"Emmett, it's not called a _book _club for nothing," I pointed out. He ignored my comment as well.

"And finally, this was the last straw after they had shot down and poo-poo'd all my suggestions for book club."

"Apparently, DC comics and graphic novels weren't their cup of tea," Edward informed me.

"Hey, the journey Clark Kent makes as Superman is epic, bro! Epic! And I wouldn't have cared if they'd watched the Superman movies or Smallville, hell, even Lois and Clark, instead of reading the comics. I'm not picky like them!"

"So," I tried to get the conversation back to Anne of Green Gables, "How'd they know you didn't read the books?" I asked, more than a little afraid of the answer.

"Well, they started talking about the books, which I had in front of me, and we'd flip to certain pages and whatever. The part in the book would jog my memory about the movies and I'd talk about the scenes in them, pointing out inconsistencies within the film, like when Anne's tights switch from black to white as she chases after her booby friend, Diana—"

"_Bosom_ friend," Rosalie pointed out, only to be ignored.

"…after she gets drunk on that berry juice stuff…"

"Currant wine?" I corrected.

"Whatever. Also I told them about how the pencil Anne takes out in class has a lead tip and an eraser on it."

Emmett looked around at us. We were dumbfounded, unclear on where this was going.

"Those weren't around yet in the early 1900's. I mean, c'mon!" he spat in disgust.

As that information sank in, the room went quiet for only a moment before I spoke.

"Wow, Emmett, that's actually really insightful. Bravo."

"See? I knew you'd get me, sister," Emmett smiled happily.

I did get Emmett. Some of the time.

"You definitely have an eye for detail. A passion for reading, however? No. But an eye for detail? Yes." I gave him a reassuring nod. "So how about some pizza?" I asked brightly, pleased to change the subject.

"So what book are you guys supposed to read?" Edward asked as he and the guys got plates and napkins out for the pizza while the girls and I strapped the kids into their high chairs for dinner. JoJo sat patiently by them, waiting for the kids to either drop food or purposely throw food down to him.

"_The Tiger's Wife_, by Tea Obreht. Emmett originally thought it was a biography about Tiger Woods' ex-wife, Elin Nordegren," I laughed.

"That was a joke, sister," Emmett bellowed as he bit into his slice of pizza. He set his pizza down and pointed at me.

"Right," I pretended to agree, but mouthed, "No it wasn't," to everyone else when Emmett went to the refrigerator for a bottle of beer.

"Good luck, getting him to read this tiger book, Bella," Alice whispered.

"I don't think it'll be a problem," I said, trying to feel as confident as I sounded.

They looked at me dubiously.

"He ate up the TV face time. I don't think he'll want to look like an ass. I won't let him look like an ass, anyway."

"When have I ever looked like an ass?" Emmett asked as he came back to the table.

I was surprised no food came flying out of anyone's mouth; we were all cracking up.

"Okay, this, I definitely don't have time for," I informed them. I mean, recounting Emmett's idiotic moments could have taken all weekend and maybe spill into the better part of the next week. It would have been entertaining, though. "Hal will be here any minute."

"Oh, that's right. Where's H-A-L been all week anyway?" Emmett asked. "I can usually count on him stopping into the shop with Shane at least three times per week. He's bringing my sales totals down," he joked.

"Be nice," I scolded Emmett. "He and Shane are going through a rough time right now. I haven't even talked to him much this week myself."

"Is it bad?" Rosalie asked, sounding worried.

"I hope not," I shrugged. I was worried as well. I really didn't know. I was just glad Hal had time to come over after how busy he'd been all week.

"Well, we'll get out of your way," Alice said as we finished our meal and started to clean up after the kids. "Let us know if he needs anything."

"Yes, let us know," Rosalie seconded Alice's statement.

My friends were so great, accepting Hal like a member of my family. I felt like he was my brother. They may have felt the same way.

"Thanks, I will," I told them as they were about to leave.

"CJ and I will stay out of your way as well," Edward assured me after everyone left.

I reached to get CJ out his arms for a moment.

"Aww, you don't have to do that. You know Hal loves his BGBG and his Edward," I said, planting a kiss atop Charlotte's head.

"_His_ Edward?"

"I thought you'd like that," I smiled at my husband. "Huh, CJ?" I asked. "Uncle Hal just loves your daddy, doesn't he?"

"Yah-yah!" CJ squealed as she squeezed my nose. "Yah-yah!" she said again as she patted my face. Man, I loved it when she did that. It cracked me up every time.

"Hey, let's go play in CJ's room until Hal gets here," I suggested.

We had gone through about six board books and sang the Itsy Bitsy Spider and Row, Row, Row Your Boat three times each before I decided to go check on Hal. CJ had also pooped so it was an ideal time to hand her off to Edward.

"Special delivery just for you, Daddy," I said as he took her to the changing table.

"Thanks. Just what I wanted," Edward replied sarcastically.

"I'm going upstairs to haul Hal down here to play, too. Besides, you're the best poopy diaper changer ever, Edward," I grinned at him.

He merely laughed in response. "I've heard you tell Emmett that once, liar."

It was true. Whoever changed CJ's poopy diaper was the best diaper changer ever. I chuckled and JoJo barked, following me as I walked to the door.

To my surprise, Hal was standing right outside the door. That must have been why JoJo barked.

"Hey, Hal," I smiled until I got a good look at him. His face was a gaunt. His usually clean-shaven face was sporting a three-day-old beard, which I loved on Edward, but on Hal looked just…not right.

His clothes were a bit disheveled, which was completely unlike him. His salmon colored Lacoste shirt was stained, wrinkled, _and_ untucked WITH the collar blatantly not popped, and…

"Oh my God, Hal, are you wearing sweatpants?" I asked horrified. "And is that chocolate ice cream stained on your shirt?"

Something was horribly wrong.

"Uh-oh," I spied the movies he was holding: _Beaches_ and _Return to Me_. We'd been down this road before.

Hal stepped inside and I immediately enveloped him in my arms, hugging my friend as tightly as I could.

"Bella, Shane left me," he whispered sadly.

"Oh, Hal," I cried sympathetically.

"And he took Diddy, too."

**A/N He took Diddy, too! See? That's why the dog days are over. Anyhoo, be sure to do me a solid and review, m'kay? M'kay. BTW, are any of you on the FaceBook? If so, there's this cool page called The Fan Fiction Addiction (TFFA). The good people there recommend fics and let you know when they are updated and what not. Go on over and LIKE them, why don'tcha? I'm one of the 790 peeps (so far) that do. Let's bring that number up, yeah? You guys are the best! Holla back!**


	6. A Whole New Ball of Worms

**A/N I know it's been a while, but I'm still not Stephenie Meyers. I've only borrowed her characters and made up a few of my own.**

**Yes, I've crawled out from the large rock I was trapped under. Yes, I know it's been A LONG ASS time. And while I thought about these characters quite a bit and have wanted to update sooner, I haven't. I apologize. Mama's sorry! I missed my Hal something fierce. Plus, I've started a new job that's more conducive to my creativity and doesn't hinder my time to write (side note: terrible bosses: not conducive to writing and third shift, while fun at times due to the cool people I worked with: also not conducive to writing). Another aside, I went through, let's call it a "health thing" this fall that I'm bouncing back from so…MJ is back, baby! **

**Okay, so when we were last gathered here, Shane had just left Hal and had taken Diddy with him, the bastard! Please GREAR: Go, Read, Enjoy, and Review. **

**WTHN**

**Chapter 6: A Whole New Ball of Worms**

**EPoV**

"Bella," I said softly while tapping her shoulder. I hated to wake her up, especially since she had been up so late watching movies and consoling Hal, but I knew she wouldn't have wanted to miss a call from her dad.

"Bella," I tapped her again, trying not to wake up Hal. They had both fallen asleep on the sofa, their heads end to end. Hal's ice cream stained shirt seemed to have additional stains on it from when he had arrived the night before. There were streaks of orange dust, probably left by wiping off his orange powder covered fingertips, either from Cheetos or Doritos, against his chest. I had to shake my head. I had never seen Hal look like that before.

"Hmm?" Bella murmured. Her eyes were still closed.

"It's Charlie."

That woke her up quickly. Her eyes opened immediately, and she sat up abruptly, waking Hal at the same time.

"Is he okay?" she asked, sounding slightly panicked while Hal simply groaned.

I nodded. "Yeah, I think so. He wants to talk to you."

I handed Bella the phone, which she took to CJ's room while speaking to Charlie. JoJo followed closely behind her.

"Did you two drink two bottles of wine last night?" I asked, unable to hold in my astonishment. Bella didn't usually drink that much.

"Ugh," Hal groaned again, holding his head in his hands. "That was all me. Damn, my head hurts," he added grouchily.

"I'd be surprised if you _didn__'__t_ have a headache," I told him, handing him a bottle of ibuprofen. He took three with a swig from what appeared to be Bella's half full bottle of water. My eyebrow quirked up on its own. It wasn't that Hal was a germaphobe; he just liked his own germs. Then again, he and Bella had always been close. I'd have to remember this, though, if I were to ever drink from Bella's water bottle in the future. I suppressed a shudder.

Hal sighed. "I'm a hot mess, aren't I?"

I pursed my lips and nodded sympathetically. "Yes. Yes, you are."

I felt badly for him. He was mourning a break up. And I still couldn't believe Shane took Diddy with him. Shane didn't tell Hal where he was going, and it didn't sound like Hal dared to ask. From what I caught of their conversation last night, Shane had some feelings for another guy and didn't think it was fair to Hal for him to stay in their apartment. It may have had a little something to do with Hal spending so much time with Irina only in as much as it gave Shane time to ponder his feelings for the other guy, whom he wouldn't name to Hal. I supposed that Shane leaving was better than Shane staying and cheating on Hal. Bella tried to convince Hal of this, that it was a good thing.

Hal flinched playfully, like he had been punched. "Ouch! Brutal honesty. You and baby girl are one and the same."

"Yes, well, Bella was never one to mince words. So are you feeling better today?" I asked while we picked up the mess on the coffee table.

"Where did all this junk food come from?" I asked. "Did you two go to the store last night?" I didn't hear them leave, and Hal didn't have it with him when he came over. I knew we didn't have it in our cupboards.

"A little," he sighed, answering my first question. "And I had this stuff delivered."

"Really? When?" I was taken aback.

"I don't know," he shrugged nonchalantly. "Two in the morning?"

I stared at Hal, unable to speak.

"What?" he asked.

"Do I have to ask?" I asked. He kept staring at me, so I guess I did. "Who would possibly purchase these items and deliver them to somebody else in the middle of the night?"

"Janie."

"From the coffee shop?"

Hal nodded, "Of course."

I waited for him to elaborate. He didn't.

"But…why?" I just couldn't understand why someone would do this for another person. Well, I'd do it for Bella. Hell, I did do it for Bella, but she was pregnant at the time. I went to buy her some pomegranate juice and saltines, not wine and potato chips.

"I pay her well," was all the explanation Hal offered.

I was about to open my mouth and ask a follow-up question, but decided against it. Chalk it up to Hal being Hal, I supposed. Janie was still completing her undergrad and probably up late on a Friday night. Hal could have had her on retainer as a personal assistant. It was strange, but it could happen. I would have pondered it longer, but I didn't want my head to hurt either, so I decided to stop thinking about it.

"You want some coffee, Hal?"

"Oooh, I'm on it," he replied, swiftly making his way to the kitchen and to the coffee maker. Even with a hangover, Hal was certainly spry.

The coffee was brewed, the bagels were toasted, and the fruit was cut up by the time Bella reemerged with CJ in her arms.

"How's Charlie?" Hal asked as Bella placed CJ in her high chair. "Good morning, BGBG," he said to CJ, giving her a kiss on her forehead. CJ patted Hal's cheek once and then grabbed his nose, squealing in delight.

"Owww. Good, I'm glad," Hal responded nasally.

We probably should have broken her of that before she got too much bigger, but she was just so cute when she did the old pat and squeeze move.

I put small pieces of fruit and torn up bagel on her tray. CJ reached out with both hands, picking up the food, squeezing it in her little fists.

Before Bella and I could each finish uttering, "No feeding the…" CJ said, "Jo! Jo!" and threw a clump of mashed up fruit and bagel down on the floor for the dog, who was sitting in his favorite spot, next to CJ's high chair. JoJo was no dummy.

Bella and I both sighed and shook our heads. That was another thing to break CJ of. It would have to wait for another day, though, and for when she was much older. Hopefully JoJo wouldn't grow morbidly obese by then.

"So, Sue is going to Portland for a week, at least, to help Leah and Jake with the new baby," Bella told Hal and me over breakfast. "She's leaving this afternoon. I should stay with him until she gets back." Charlie had just gotten out of the hospital again, kicking another infection. I knew Bella was worried about him. I wouldn't have expected anything less than for her to go be with her father.

"Of course," I nodded, feeling a little sad since Bella would be leaving and taking CJ along with her. I would be at the hospital quite a bit the next week and she knew it. I hated the prospect of my two favorite people being away from me. I wondered to myself if Charlie wouldn't have liked to stay a week at our place.

"I'd have Dad come here, Edward, but he's got contractors coming to the house to add a bedroom and bathroom to the lower level," Bella said as if reading my mind.

I nodded in understanding just as Hal's eyes lit up as if he had a brilliant idea.

"Can I come stay with you and Charlie and BGBG too, Bella?" Hal tilted his head and jutted out his bottom lip for dramatic effect. "I just can't be here by myself right now," he added with a sigh.

I suppressed a laugh. I was pretty sure he didn't have to go through all that to get Bella to allow him to go. He could have just asked like a normal adult. But then again, with Hal, it probably wasn't an act. In any case, I thought it was a great idea. Bella would have extra help with caring for both Charlie and CJ.

Just as Bella answered, "Of course, Hal," he began listing all the ways he could be helpful, ticking them off on his fingers while staring at his own hands as he did so, as if he hadn't even heard her response.

"I can help cook and clean and feed and play with BGBG. And, oh, I can help direct the contractors because you know I'm good with bossing people around. I'll do laundry and dishes and grocery shop. I can walk the dogs and ultimately help Charlie with interior decorating!" He ended with an enthusiastic clap, smiling, clearly pleased with himself.

In the middle of Hal's pledge, Bella glanced at me, caught my eye and shook her head ever so slightly. I smiled at her knowingly. It's best just to let Hal finish.

"Hal!" Bella said sharply, finally getting his attention. "You can come, you nut! But interior decorating? With my dad? Good luck with that."

Yeah, I couldn't see that happening. Charlie wasn't one for the Home and Garden channel. This would probably consist of Hal asserting his own aesthetic at Charlie's house. We'd see how this played out.

"I'll make breakfast every morning, too," Hal added. I knew Bella and Charlie would enjoy that. I was actually a little jealous. Hal was a great cook. "Want me to make my four cheese—"

"YES!" Bella all but screamed.

"Baked…egg…soufflé?" Hal finished hesitantly, quirking an eyebrow up at Bella's preemptively eager and exuberant response that had taken both Hal and me aback.

"What? You had me at 'four cheese'," she stated, defending herself.

"You're right," Hal said. "Cheese makes everything better."

This was true.

After the plans were made to leave in a couple of hours, Hal went back to his place to pack and we did the same, Bella for herself and me for CJ. CJ helped by taking out everything in her sock drawer and then chasing JoJo around her room trying to throw socks on him. Apparently this activity wore them both out because they both fell asleep on top of a pile of socks.

I moved CJ to her crib and then went to the bedroom to check on Bella. She was lying on the bed on top of the covers, looking quite cozy.

"All packed already?" I asked.

"Yep. Never takes me long to pack. Is CJ all right? I heard a lot of squealing and laughter and now nothing."

I chuckled. "Yeah, she was tormenting JoJo a little and now they're both napping. You look like you're ready for a nap yourself," I added as I lied down next to Bella, wrapping my arms around her. She cuddled in closer to me.

"I'm going to miss our bed," Bella whined a little.

I kissed the top of her head. "Just our bed?" I asked.

"And you. You and our bed," Bella told me as she tilted her head up so I could kiss her. She scooted in closer still, pressing her pelvis against mine and wrapping one of her legs on top of me.

"I'll miss you and me _in_ our bed," I told her once we broke the kiss.

"Me too," she sighed. "And I didn't even get to sleep in here with you last night," Bella added, pouting slightly.

I lazily drew little circles on her leg, letting my fingers meander until they reached her bottom. I cupped it, pulling Bella's pelvis closer towards mine.

"We can make up for lost time now," I suggested, stealing more kisses.

Her hands were already under my shirt, tugging it up enough so I could pull it up over my head. Bella pulled my basketball shorts and underwear off while I removed my shirt, knowing good and well the lost time we'd be making up for was not about sleep at all.

We made quick work of removing Bella's clothes as well, throwing them about as soon as we got them off, not caring where they landed. We were like a pair of horny teenagers going at each other, trying to get the deed done before someone came home. In our case, we were trying to get the deed done before CJ woke up again. And yes, much of the time I did actually feel like a horny teenager, wanting to be with my Bella so badly.

We had started out kneeling on the bed, facing each other, taking turns leaving open mouth kisses on one another. Bella let out a sensual whimper as I pinched and rolled her hardened nipples while nuzzling her ear and ghosting the shell of her ear with my tongue.

"God, I want you so bad, Bella," I moaned in her ear.

Her knees parted, inviting my closer to her body. Bella raised her body up slightly positioning me at her entrance and then lowered her body onto mine. We were eye-level only for a moment before I had Bella on her back in the middle of the bed with me hovering over her, thrusting in and out, showing her how much I loved her and would miss her.

Bella's body responded to mine, bucking her hips to meet my thrusts, squeezing around my length as we climaxed. She told me she'd miss me, us, _this_, as well without having said a word.

We stayed in cuddled up in bed for as long as we could before my work and her plans pulled us out of our little universe, which was approximately forty-five minutes.

CJ had woken up from her nap and Hal had texted Bella to let her know he was just about ready to leave. Bella got herself ready while I tended to CJ for some last minute father-daughter quality time before the three of them took off for Forks. I'd miss those girls terribly, especially Bella and CJ.

**BPoV**

With a heavy heart I left with Hal and CJ for Forks. I was excited to go see my dad, but I'd miss Edward, of course. It'd only be for a week at least.

I was happy Hal wanted to go with me. He'd be a great help with CJ and Dad, but I thought it'd be good for him to get away from Seattle for a little while.

He was just so sad and depressed and disheveled and stained, so…_un_-Hal. He certainly wasn't this bad when he and Mr. Why broke up years ago. I really felt for him. Yes, Forks would do him some good, I decided.

Despite having had a nap already, CJ fell asleep again about a half hour into the trip, so Hal could vent some more without having to watch what he said.

And there was definitely some colorful language going on. Hal cussed with abandon, talking about how he was so f'kin stupid, as Emmett would say, for spending so much time with f'kin Irina and for not seeing how f'kin distant Shane had been getting. He berated himself once again for f'kin forgetting to be a good f'kin friend to me during his "Blind with Irina time", which was the name he had decided to give that era of hanging with the lady douche. Yes, that was a dark time for all of us. Thank goodness in the grand scheme of things, his Blind with Irina time was short-lived.

"I know it was a dark time, Baby girl, and I'm so sorry. I see the handwriting at the end of the tunnel now, though."

Hal quite often got his metaphors mixed up. I never corrected him. I loved him more for it. I sometimes incorporated his blurred metaphors into conversation. It was probably not good encouragement, but the wrongness of the metaphors was funny.

"I know you do, Hal. And really, it's fine. You were trying to be a good friend to Irina when she needed one." It was true. Underneath the snark and designer clothes, Hal was such a good person. He'd certainly been there for me when I needed him.

"Oh but when she messed me up by turning off my phone that one day…"

"You mean my birthday?" It was only earlier this week. He made it sound like it was ages ago.

"Yeah, yeah, my baby girl's birthday, Irina opened up a whole new ball of worms, baby. Uh-uh. You don't mess with my baby girl." He shook his head for emphasis.

I had to laugh. I loved Hal so. He always made me laugh.

"And thanks so much for letting me come along. I really couldn't be in that apartment by myself for much longer. Everything there reminds me of Shane, but you know what, Bella, I miss Diddy more I think. And even his stinky farts I miss. Diddy's too."

We both laughed. "Gross, Hal!" But I was glad Hal could joke about it now. That was a step in the right direction.

"But you're welcome. You know that. I always love having you around." I added, "Plus, you're going to cook so…," just as Hal _awwed_ and put his right hand to his heart because I was saying such nice things.

He lightly shoved my shoulder laughing upon hearing the cooking part of my statement.

"So what are Charlie's favorite foods?" Hal glanced in the rearview mirror at a sleeping CJ and reworded his question. "I mean, what are your _dad__'__s_ favorite foods? I know BGBG likes mushy cereal and creamed spinach and shit like that. Bleh!" He made a face like he tasted something bad.

"Hal, she's only one and she has only a few teeth. Leave her alone. But my dad is a steak and potatoes kind of guy. Nothing fancy needed."

_Nothing __fancy __needed. _Boy, was I wrong.

When we finally arrived at Charlie's house and after we gave our hugs to him and put away some luggage, Dad told Hal he'd been looking forward to this visit even more since I called him to let him know Hal was coming along and that Hal insisted on cooking. Evidently, Charlie had been watching some Food Network and had written down the names of a few recipes that looked good to him.

"Oh, Charlie, thanks for thinking of me!" Hal shrieked, happy to have such a warm welcome from my dad. Having Charlie think you're useful and thinking ahead of dishes for Hal to cook, apparently, equaled a warm welcome to Hal. And it certainly warmed my heart to see two of my favorite guys getting along so well.

It was still early in the afternoon so we thought we could go grocery shopping after visiting with Esme and Carlisle. My dad went with us to their house and hung out with them while Hal and I shopped. I figured three grandparents were plenty to keep an eye on CJ. Hal had made quite the grocery list so it took us a while at the supermarket.

We picked my dad up after returning from the store. Carlisle and Esme were going to keep CJ for another couple of hours while we cooked dinner at Dad's house. It seemed that Carlisle wanted to take CJ to the hospital to show her off to the nurses. Of course I was biased, but who could blame him? Afterwards, he and Esme would bring CJ back to Dad's house and stay for dinner.

It was really fun cooking with Hal. He wouldn't let me do a whole lot, though. He would request an ingredient and I would fetch it for him. I was his kitchen bitch. I didn't mind. It allowed me to go in and out of the kitchen so I could chit chat with my dad. Well, as much as my dad would chit chat anyway.

I heard him on the phone with his contractor. It sounded like he was on his way so my dad could take another look at the blueprint before they were to get started on Monday.

I jokingly chided my dad for waiting until after I left the house to get the second bathroom put in.

"That's so not fair. I would have loved my own bathroom as a teenager, Dad!"

Charlie merely laughed and reminded me that I had a master bathroom now that made up for having to share with dear old dad back in the day. Very true.

"They did do a very good job on my bathroom," I conceded. "Are you going to get a spacious one put in too? I bet Sue would really appreciate it."

"It won't be super deluxe sized like your highness's," he started to say.

"Hey!" I rebuked. I was hardly a princess. Just because I loved having my own spacious bathroom and maybe only slightly resented having to share it with Edward…

Okay, fine. I was a princess.

"But it'll be bigger than your bathroom upstairs."

"_My_ bathroom upstairs? You plan on living downstairs only? I mean I know it'll be easier for you to stay down here and not go up and down stairs, but are you bequeathing me the entire upper level?"

"Yep, Bells. It'll be for you and guests, if we get any. Well, besides Hal. Maybe you can make your old room up for my little Charlie girl?"

"Oh! Oh! Can I decorate BGBG's room? Please?"

Dad and I turned to look at the entrance to the kitchen. We couldn't see Hal, but we could tell he was very excited.

We then looked at each other and shrugged.

"Sure, sure," Dad and I said in unison.

"Yes!" came from the kitchen. I could hear the smile in Hal's voice. There was probably a fist pump involved as well.

I went back to the kitchen after Hal informed us dinner would be ready in fifteen minutes. Esme and Carlisle were on their way so it was perfect timing by the time I had the table set for all of us.

I was back in the kitchen with Hal when the doorbell rang. My dad answered it as we were still busy in the kitchen.

Hal wondered who was at the door since we didn't hear any squealing or the sound of my dad greeting CJ with, "There's my little Charlie!" or "Ow!" upon CJ grabbing my dad's nose. No we only heard men's voices.

"Oh, it's probably the contractor come to have Dad approve the blueprint or something."

"Oh, I want to see it," Hal said as he wiped his hands off on a towel.

I shrugged. "Okay, let's go look." Not that I would have known what I was looking at, but Hal was well versed in reading blueprints.

Hal stopped dead in his tracks when he saw who Charlie was talking to. There in my dad's living room were Shawn, the contractor, with his brother.

I heard Hal gasp before he barely even whispered Shane's name.

**A/N There you go, my lovelies. Hope you enjoyed it. Have you missed Hal as much as I have? Thanks for reading. And, as you know, all the f'kins were created by miss carmelinagunn's Emmett character. You don't know? Well go read IEWIS and find out.**

**Okay, I'm determined, _determined_ I tell you, to update ATO so that's on the agenda (Phantom, be advised something should be coming your way soon to beta the hell out of) and the next WTHN will be up after that. See you soon, but in the mean time, happy birthday to lovee—it's coming up, right? I've missed all my readers as much as I've missed Hal so holla back and let me know how you are!**


	7. What? What?

**A/N Welcome back. I'm still me, so I'm still not Stephenie Meyer, therefore, these characters (aside from Hal, Shane, and Shawn) are not mine, but thanks for reading anyway. I hope you all are doing well. Happy new year and happy Chinese new year. Let's hear it for the dragons!**

**I was happy to get as many reviews as I did for my last update. I thought many of you would have forgotten about these guys, but no, you were happy to see them back. Thanks for the support! I appreciate it.**

**Okay, so Bella and Hal are in Forks with Charlie for a week and who should show up but Shane? Read on, friends. I hope you enjoy and then review.**

**WTHN**

**Chapter 7: What? What?**

**Hal PoV**

Oh my lord of the rings! Hell, no! Nuh-uh. No f'kin way Shane was there in Forks, in Bella's house, no less. Just when I was feeling better than I had all week, he had to show up.

The room fell silent while we just looked at each other, both of us in shock. Shock yes, but I was still able to quickly eyeball him and mentally inventory his outfit. He looked good, the bastard! Faded blue Levi's that we bought together last May. He should have really worn a darker wash, and I tried to talk him into an indigo pair at the time, but no. He couldn't be bothered to try them on. Shane could be so stubborn.

Moving on: a light grey t-shirt hidden under a navy blue cashmere sweater, fitted, not tight. I gave that to him for his birthday. Shane always looked good in navy. And finally, brown Kenneth Cole loafers. Those looked new. I fleetingly wondered if they'd fit me before wondering who bought those for him. I suppressed my expression of disdain. Shane loved clothes but didn't like to shop. Not as much as I did anyway. I could never figure that one out but…wait…what the hell? What the hell? He was wearing a thumb ring of all things! Ugh! How repulsive. It was a silver thumb ring wrapped around his finger like a serpent and had a gaudy looking turquoise on it! Turquoise! (When I am utterly astonished by something, I find the need to repeat said thing that astonished me at least twice. Twice!) He'd only been gone a few days. How could he have lost his sanity and sense of style in so little time? I shuddered a little. The room was beginning to spin slightly. I just couldn't deal with the thumb ring!

"Hal. Bella. I wasn't expecting to see you two here," Shane managed to say. He sounded as uncomfortable as I felt, but his voice brought me out of my temporary fashion inventory haze and thumb ring disgust.

"We could say the same about you," I replied coldly. He didn't tell me where he was going. I wanted to ask but refused. If he wanted to leave, who was I to stop him? He wanted time to think about our relationship or any potential relationship with whoever the mystery man was; well then he could go right ahead and do that. I wasn't going to beg him to stay. Halston Alowishus Lambert had way too much pride to beg. I'd be depressed and angry and bitter, but no way in hell would I be begging.

Sure I was devastated when I learned that Shane wanted to break up. We had been together for over two years, for the love of Dolce and Gabbana. Next to Bella, he was my best friend, and his not being around the past week sucked, especially since he'd always been by my side for the past couple of years. It would take a lot of adjustment and getting used to. I wanted to come to Forks so I could get some distance from the common space we had shared so then I could go back renewed and rejuvenated and ready to start fresh. That was the hope anyway. Seeing Shane again so soon just reopened the wounds that had only begun to heal.

"Oh yeah. I forgot to mention to you kids," Charlie said to Bella and me, "I contracted Shawn to do the remodel. He came highly recommended by you and Shane here, Hal. Thanks. You know it's hard to really know if a contractor is any good, so I appreciate any…referrals…I can…get…you guys all right?"

Charlie had been rambling. He never rambled. He spoke succinctly most of the time. He must have felt the tension in the room. Hell, you could cut it with a knife.

"Shane, are you working with Shawn now?" Bella asked brightly, trying to break said tension. I could still feel it, but I had to get myself together.

"I will on this project. I thought it'd be good to get out of Seattle for a bit," he replied hesitantly. I didn't miss that he sneaked a look at me before returning his gaze back to Bella.

"Yes, well, we thought the same thing, didn't we, Hal?" Bella asked, patting my shoulder.

"Yes, we wanted to help Charlie out since Sue's out of town. Now where was that blueprint?" I said, sounding as haughty as I meant to sound. "Ah, there it is," I said spying it in Shawn's hands. "May I have a look?"

"Thank you," I said to Shawn when he handed the plans to me.

I took a look at the plans and the contract. Shawn was giving Charlie a really good deal. It was the family discount. That was very kind of him to do so. I'd have to thank him for that when I got the chance later. Shawn was always very sweet and supportive of Shane…and me.

"This looks good, but what if the vanity and sink get raised up another six inches so Charlie won't have to bend over quite as much when he washes his face? It'd be easier on his back. And in the bathroom, I'd do sliding glass doors, maybe frosted glass. In any case, the shower should have only a small lip so you wouldn't have to step up so high like you would in a regular tub. And there's enough room here for a small whirlpool tub. My gift to you for letting me stay here and I won't take no for an answer. What do you think, Charlie?"

Charlie looked taken aback but finally nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good. Sue would like that too, I think. Thanks, Hal, but you don't have to…" Charlie stopped talking because I put my hand up so he'd stop thanking me. There was no need. It was the least I could do for him.

"That shouldn't throw you guys off too much should it, Shawn?"

"Not at all. Good thinking, Hal," Shawn said as he took the papers back and jotted some notes down.

"Yes, I know. Well, I should get back into the kitchen. Carlisle and Esme and BGBG will be here soon and I need to finish dinner up. If you'll excuse me. Shawn, have a wonderful night. We'll see you Monday morning." I smiled at him and he smiled and waved back to me. As an afterthought, I acknowledged his brother. "Shane," I said with barely any eye contact and with only the slightest of head nods before turning on my heel and retreating to the kitchen, my haven.

Bella followed after me about a minute later.

"Aww, Hal, are you all right?" she asked as I brought the prime rib out of the oven, setting it down on the countertop to rest.

"Perfectly fine," I answered, wiping down the countertop that I had wiped down already. That haughty tone had crept back into my voice as well. "Fine."

"You're not fine," Bella said as she turned her head to the sound of the doorbell again. This time it was our expected company because I could hear big Charlie greeting his grandbaby and saying hello to Carlisle and Esme. Then there was more chitchat and I heard a bunch of goodbyes, presumably to Shane and Shawn.

"But we can talk about it later," Bella finished replying.

I nodded in response before we finished in the kitchen and joined Bella's family for dinner.

I didn't remember much of the dinner, aside from my BGBG being as cute as all get out and all of us gushing over her. Thank goodness there wasn't much Shane talk other than the work that was to be done to Charlie's house. Bella may have tipped them off that Shane was now a sore subject with me. She was always looking out for me. I love my Bella so much.

Esme and Carlisle offered up their house for us all to stay in once the plumbing got shut off. Charlie was a bit reluctant, but Esme insisted and ultimately Bella did too since she wanted things to be easier for Charlie and BGBG. And with Charlie's current infection, no plumbing equaled no fun. Having a flushing toilet made everyone more comfortable and life much easier. That was a fact.

So we stayed at Charlie's house through the weekend and then stayed at Esme's for the remainder of the week. Bella and I made Charlie rest at the Cullens' while we stopped in to check on the work being done. Luckily when we went over to her dad's house, I only needed to speak with Shawn, as everyone else, including Shane, was busy executing the plans.

Bella did briefly talk to Shane a couple times, but I wasn't privy to those conversations, not that I wanted to be. I didn't want to be in the same room as Shane, so I just let Bella explore the house on her own to look at the renovations. I would go back to Charlie's house at night after the contractors left for the evening to inspect their work anyway.

On Tuesday, after complimenting Shawn about how the work was going, I was finally able to thank him for being so kind to Charlie and that I appreciated it.

"Of course," Shawn said. "I know Bella's like your family, and you're like family to me." He had glanced over his shoulder before adding, "Despite my brother being an idiot right now."

I know I was an emotional wreck at the time, but I probably could have cried when he said that. I was able to hold it together, though. He could have just been saying that to try to engage me in a conversation to talk trash about Shane. I wouldn't bite. I merely gave him a weak half-smile to acknowledge his statement.

"How _are_ you doing, Hal?" Shawn finally asked after assessing my face for what seemed like forever. His tone sounded serious. He sounded like he actually did care.

I shrugged, "I'm getting by with a ton of help from my friends." I glanced over to where Bella was looking in on the progress of the downstairs bedroom before waving at someone, I could only assume she was waving to Shane, and then stepping inside. Shawn followed my gaze. He knew as well as I did my Bella was there for me. She always was.

Despite the misery she went through her senior year in high school, I couldn't help but be appreciative of it. I wouldn't have met Bella otherwise, I don't think. I had a few friends but no really good friends. I suppose I was wary of people using me for my wealth. Bella didn't seem like that type and we hit it off from the start. Maybe it was the honesty I saw in her eyes. Maybe it was her genuine interest in me. Most likely it was that sad wardrobe of hers and my knowing that not only could we be friends, but I could also help her gain a sense of style. Little did I know then how resistant Bella was to fashion. I mean, she already had Alice and Coley in her life at that point, and those bitches are fierce. To still reject haute couture under their tutelage and mine showed just how headstrong and confident in herself she already was. Too bad she never really recognized it in herself then.

Bella was always appreciative of my friendship with her, but really it was I who owed her all the thanks in the world. Even when she was in Phoenix, I couldn't have asked for a better friend, always making time for my visits and phone calls and emails. And when my parents had passed away and I had no blood relatives left, Bella was my constant, my rock, my sister. For that, I could never repay her, no matter how many apartments I renovated for her or how many rooms I decorated or how many Jacuzzis I bought. She would never understand how grateful I was. We were both each the only child of parents who were also only children, so we had no cousins or genuine friends. At least I didn't have genuine friends of my own. Of course Bella had Alice and Coley, but I latched on to Bella, and she to me.

"I'm glad you have such a good friend. And just so you know, Hal," Shawn turned back to look at me. "The break up has been hard on Shane too. I mean, I know it was his idea, but he really didn't want to hurt you more than he has already. And he hadn't cheated on you or anything it's just that-"

I was starting to get uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had taken. I didn't want to be there with Shawn talking about his brother anymore. It was still too soon for this, so I cut him off.

"Well, we all just want Shane to be happy, don't we?" I gave him a tight smile as I walked towards the door. "Bella, I'll be in the car." I faintly heard her say okay before I closed the door behind me.

**BPoV**

I had just gotten done talking with Shane inside the house and had just learned about something huge! The problem was whether or not I tell Hal right away. The truth was, I needed a little advice at that moment. I needed to consult with Edward or Coley and Alice on how to proceed. I normally would have talked to Hal about a problem but couldn't just yet. Not about this anyway. And certainly not at this moment when he had left so abruptly. It couldn't have been for a good reason.

"Things are really coming along in there," I said to Hal when I made it back out to the car, trying to sound as light-hearted as I could. I knew he was upset, so I didn't want to just launch into a discussion about Shane. I had been waiting patiently for Hal to broach the subject but he hadn't yet. It had been three days since the initial run-in and I'd wanted to talk about it. I didn't want to push him, though.

We had been distracted anyway with the house and my dad. Hal insisted on decorating CJ's room at Dad's house, so we did a lot of shopping. I didn't want him to go nuts ordering things from posh baby furniture sites online. Lord knows Hal was the king of going overboard. I told him he'd have to get everything for the room locally, make due with the shops we had in Forks and Port Angeles. Hal made a sour face at me but knew I meant business, so he complied. I thought it'd be a good challenge for him, regardless of his initial annoyance with the restrictions. He got to shop, ultimately, so that was always a good distraction for him. He was actually quite successful at finding things for the room. Hal could rise to any shopping challenge.

The bad distraction was that Charlie's current infection had been especially hard to kick. It was properly named C diff for Clostridium difficile, which was an infection in his intestines. Edward had researched it for me after I reported to him what Charlie reported to me the first night Hal, CJ, and I were in Forks. It wasn't life threatening, thank goodness, as long as Dad didn't get dehydrated, but it was still painful and horribly inconvenient at best. Not that other infections weren't inconvenient, but with intestinal issues, well, let's just say it was good that Charlie was staying in a place with reliable plumbing.

Charlie's infection hadn't been responding to the treatments thus far. There was another course of action that we could take. I was completely appalled when Edward told me about it over face time on our phones the night before.

"I'm sorry, Edward, but did you just say a _fecal transplant_? As in…" I made a face before continuing, "_Poop_?" He couldn't have been serious.

Edward's face was, indeed, serious.

"I know it sounds gross, Bella, but what's happened is that the antibiotics Charlie's been on for his miscellaneous other infections have pretty much wiped out the good bacteria in his digestive tract so we need to introduce new flora. Good flora."

"Good poop, you mean?" I clarified. Though _flora_ was a pretty way, if there were one, to say poop.

"Well, yes, the good flora is in the good poop." Edward cracked a smile and shook his head. I was sure he was trying to be very professional about it, but come on. We were talking about poop here.

A million questions were going through my mind: How was it done? Who was donating the stool? How was it collected? Was there a bank for these things like for sperm and eggs? But honestly, I was afraid of any of the answers.

When Edward prodded me for my questions, I decided on, "What's the success rate?"

It turns out that the success rate was really good, about 90% of people with the infection were cured when the new bacteria was transplanted. That was wonderful to hear, but learning that _I_ was a potential donor was not as great. The donor was usually someone who lived with or was close to the person in need of the transplant. Terrific!

"I'm not saying that this is for sure going to happen, but I wanted you to be ready to hear it, Bella."

I nodded. "Thanks, Edward. If it comes up, I won't freak out as badly as I would normally." I hoped anyway.

"That was the point, love."

I also hoped Sue would come home before any, uh, donations needed to be made. Not that I wouldn't donate for my dad. Of course I'd do anything to make him better, even if that meant giving him my…

Man, why couldn't Charlie have needed a kidney or a lung or part of a liver? I could stomach the thought of giving him those.

Other than the poop talk, I got Edward up to speed about the Hal/Shane situation. Hal had managed to not have to interact with Shane. He only spoke with Shawn when we stopped in to check on the progress. There was really no drama to report, but that was before the events of this day.

"Did he still have the gaudy ring on?" Hal asked me in the car as we were driving back to the Cullens house.

"Huh? What ring?"

"That awful thumb ring? With the turquoise stone on it! Turquoise!"

Whoa! Hal repeated turquoise. It must have been pretty tacky in his eyes.

"I didn't notice." I really hadn't noticed.

"He's gone a week and has already lost his mind," Hal commented, muttering _turquoise_ once again and shaking his head in disbelief.

"Did Shawn say something to upset you?" I asked.

Hal made a face, pursing his lips to one side, before responding, "Just that the break up has been hard on Shane too. Whatever," he added with a shrug. "So did you talk about anything interesting with him?"

I immediately shook my head. _Just keep it short,_ I thought to myself. "Nope. Just the usual pleasantries," I lied. I hoped I sounded convincing. Luckily, Hal was driving and still annoyed with what Shawn told him to scrutinize my expression and tone, although, I thought I played it off pretty well, even for me.

Unlike Hal, I _had_ talked to Shane a couple times already when we had stopped in. Up until today, Shane had avoided talking to me about Hal. Our brief conversations had been limited to friendly chatter about family and the renovations. Today, though, Shane specifically asked how Hal was and that he hoped that I didn't think badly of him.

I hadn't really thought about it in those terms yet. I had been focused on listening to Hal and being there when he needed a friend rather than passing judgment on Shane. When it came down to it, though, I told him how I felt, that I was disappointed but that sometimes relationships didn't work out and at least Shane was being honest with Hal rather than going behind his back and cheating. Had Shane done that, I would have for sure thought badly of him.

I did ask Shane, "Are things with your mystery person serious?" I also wanted to ask who the other guy was but couldn't quite find the guts to do so.

"No, not serious. I'm not actually dating anyone. There may be potential. I just didn't think it'd be fair to Hal if I was entertaining the idea of a potential relationship with someone else."

I nodded. This was what Shane had told Hal, so I'd already heard it.

"You want to know who this person is, don't you?" Shane asked me.

Of course I wanted to know. I was dying to know, but I didn't want Shane to know that I was dying to know.

I shrugged and tried my hardest to look indifferent. "Only if you want to tell me. No pressure or anything."

Shane had peered at me for a moment, hesitating. Perhaps thinking over whether to tell me or not. I mentally willed him with all my might to tell me. He opened his mouth slightly after what seemed like an eternity and said, "I'd better not. It's probably best if I kept this under my hat for a while. I don't want to…make things difficult for you."

_Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!_ _Make things difficult for me_? Like put me in the middle of Hal and Shane? Like I was the other guy? That was impossible, but I had no idea what he meant. I was highly irritated Shane wouldn't tell me but tried my best not to show it, remaining calm and uninterested.

It was difficult to say but I told him, "Well, if you think it's for the best then that's fine." It wasn't fine, but I had to say it was.

"Have a good day, Shane. I'll probably see you…" And before I could finish saying, "tomorrow," Shane blurted out a name.

"Garrett. It's Garrett." Wow. Shane sucked at keeping secrets.

All I could do was stare at him. Garrett?

"As in Laurent's brother, Garrett?'

Shane nodded.

"As in my producer at the news, Garrett?"

He nodded again.

Both our heads turned when we heard Hal tell me he was going to the car. I told Hal, "Okay" before meeting Shane's eyes again.

"Care to explain, Shane?"

**A/N Well, who saw that coming? Be honest! All right, as I await your reviews, I will be working diligently on the next chapter. Our boy Edward will be back in it and Emmett too. I miss me some Emmett. And forgive me. I was ready to throw in the towel on ATO, but my beta, phantom, won't let me, so we will be working together to rock it out. Wish us luck. **


End file.
